Archive for the ‘feelings’ Category

You know what, Hollywood has been playing with our heads for so long, most of us are delusional with the idea of the ‘perfect love story’, ‘true love’, ‘soulmates’.. I admit i was delusional too..

Love isnt seamless and easy and sweet all the time, movies dont show what happens next after the big proposal, or the big gestures, or the loving kisses and cuddles. the ‘happy ever afters’ dont quite exist. Instead, cheating, deceiving, lying, and heartache happen in the long run/ in the real world. People meet and part. I have realized – the hard way – that everything in life is temporary. everything. money, health, happiness, sorrow, love, friendship. everything. 

it seems some people love the easy way out. most people wont fight for love. wont stand up for what they believe is right. wont put effort to make relationships work. one of my close male friends once told me that if a guy wants something/someone, there is nothing/noone that will stop him. then why is it that all i see around me are guys who have been either too lazy or too proud to go after the woman that they love. Just because something is hard/needs work doesnt mean that you give up at the first obstacle and convince yourself it wasnt meant to be.

Man is a lazy creature.

Man is garfield.  

The main reason why women don’t like mama’s boys is because competing with the woman who gave birth to him just isn’t an option. For me, it is primarily because I do not see any ‘alpha male’ quality anymore. And I need to respect my man, knowing he can stand up for himself and for me when and if needed.

Knowing that he cares about his parents and is sensitive towards his mother is nice, it adds a soft side to a man’s character and image. However, being a hand puppet for his mommy, is not only a turn off, but it is a sure way to ruin his and his partner’s lives.

enough said.

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

So I took  my car to service today, and that humming annoying noise apparently was a bigger problem than I anticipated. so it’s a 2 day job, and I will be carless till midweek. it’s funny how it cripples our mobility big time in this country being carless. had I been in europe or the states where the weather is friendlier, i would probably be biking it everywhere and anywhere.. oh well. it’s only two days.

wasnt the world a lot easier and simpler, around, like, ten years back? when the bloom didnt even start in Dubai and when Apple and BlackBerry were still merely fruits? when kids played in playgrounds rather than being glued to a mobile phone at 5 years of age, and being hooked on video games.. most homes are not “booked” enough, for a lack of better words hehe, most kids I have seen (friends’ kids, or even kids in our distant and immediate family) do not read! its sad! we had shelves and shelves of endless books on literature (dad’s second degree was in english literature may he rest in peace) history (both parents loved history and politics especially) and novels (mom is a diligent reader of arabic novels).. I wish I can say the same for the houses I visit. I think I will be a very military-like mother whenever the time comes God willing. No TV addiction, no timepasses that add no value to my kids’ lives and intellect, no useless toys.. seriously! I want to raise them the way my mom and dad took the time to raise us. the concept of ‘modern’ families does not appeal to me and I absolutely think it’s a failing concept anyway. look at all the dysfunctional families around, marriage itself has become a failing concept these days, with the rise in divorce rates, and the endless bachelors and bachelorettes (a decision made by choice!)..

I have been thinking way too much about the world and what it has come to for around a fortnight.. was not inspired much to write but today I somewhat am. (for my one man audience out there! Hey Marv, my loyal reader lol). After watching History Channel’s episodes of the lost book of Nostradamus and how his predictions have been very accurate for so long, that maybe, just maybe, his prediction of the world ending in 2012, might just be right. Of course I am a strong believer, and I will always trust my faith in God with everything, would not believe a person over God. But I have to say I was intregued, and it was very thought provoking. I always thought I would die at 32, what if I do! did I acheive all I wanted? did I go every where I hoped? will I leave behind any regrets? Can’t help but think of all of that.. Which brings me back to my original lingering and frightening question: did I fulfill my passion in this life? and the sad answer was: a big fat NO. And that shook me. Approaching 30 fastly and furiously makes me even more concerned.

I should give my poor exhausted mind a rest I reckon. I barely sleep. Shouldn’t  burden it with continuous thoughts!

Thanks for reading (Marv). Wishing you [all, if any] a good day.

* I hate being sick, and non-winter flu is the worst! and funny thing is, no one seems to ask about you when you’re sick. its like *officer down! ok, we got 5364291 other friends to go out with* jeez people.. on a serious note. I hate fevers! i can tolerate any pain, except the ones in my face.

* man is a strange being by all means. its funny how one can love, but not need their loved one. or at least not as much as one needed them at the very beginning of their relationship. so which one is it? “out of sight, out of mind” or “distance makes the heart grow fonder” ?? i myself am not quite sure which one applies.. however, i believe what some perceive as possessiveness, might merely be fear of losing the one person one felt comfortable and strong for.

* will end this short post with a poem thats been brewing since the morning in my rather exhausted and mushy mind.. I am so tired. I think I got a little delusional today!

Untitled

Your eyes so full of apathy
Your mouth knows not but hurt
Walk away from these demons
And remember thy love filled heart
Walk closer and hold me tight
I need to feel complete
Take my hand and lead the way
I want you to feel my need
Had you been in my place
I would not think or hesitate
I would catch you if you fall
Would want to be there if  you brake
I want to be the one you breathe
I want to be your all…

This January was one big wedgie!

I swear my life is one crazy rollercoaster and a series of dramatic events that I do not know how and why I keep coming across. But no complaints, I guess no one can do my life but me. and I believe that God knows my capacity, and wont give me more than I can handle.

My best friend who only got married a little more than a year back, and now is a proud mother of a 2 month old beautiful girl, is getting a divorce. That has been very emotionally draining for her and even me, I love her to bits and I cant believe what a scum bag her husband is. He simply ruined her life, taking her out of her well paying, decent and very  comfortable job, out of her loving family’s house, to take her to another country where she found out half way through her pregnancy that he is already married (3urfi) to someone 9 years older than him, and has a baby girl from her as well!  Urgh. I feel so frustrated for her. Seriously, she must be the most innocent person I ever met. I think its because she is so innocent, she couldnt see the signs of deceipt. Or he was too good of an actor… I am just happy that she is strong about it, she will stand up for herself and walk away, while most women in our part of the world will stay in a crappy marriage fearing the label of a ‘divorced woman’ and fearing the financial burdens, or just fearing loneliness..

Back to me, my new boss is a lovely woman, amazing at what she does, very knowledgeable and hands on with her job and that is refreshing in comparison with my previous boss.. however! yes you knew that was a ‘but’ moment there.. she wants to relocate the whole regional team in its intirety (63 staff who have lives and families in Dubai) to Egypt to make her life easier! Not to mention cut cost on Dubai’s budget.. Oh, well. Let’s see how that goes. I am hopeful. : )

So many has happened in January, many I will not mention or go over briefly not even in a notion. But it was a month of stress, tough decisions, friendships made and some lost. But most of all, my belief in that tough times are the best teachers, mostly we learn of our own strength, has become an even deeper belief.

January. Glad its over!

on expectations and such..

Posted: September 20, 2009 in feelings, inside out, sad me

sadness_by_Bloodm8

Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy – the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.
– Eric Hoffer

Sometimes, unintentionally, i give some people the benefit of the doubt, or too much credit, or just like them enough to expect the best out of them. Normally, i dont have much expectations, to avoid disappointment. But sometimes, it happens. w ghaltet il sha6er bi alf. (loosely translated into: a wise man’s err is equal to a thousand mistakes)

Disappointment is a hard emotion to process, its something that will always feel bad. Like with a first love, it will always be intense, the ones that come after that, less intense. but with disappointment, it will always hurt the same. I think what hurts more is the affirmation that our judgement is impaired and flawed.

The ways i found effective in getting over it, is disenchantment, and detachment.