illusions

You know what, Hollywood has been playing with our heads for so long, most of us are delusional with the idea of the ‘perfect love story’, ‘true love’, ‘soulmates’.. I admit i was delusional too..

Love isnt seamless and easy and sweet all the time, movies dont show what happens next after the big proposal, or the big gestures, or the loving kisses and cuddles. the ‘happy ever afters’ dont quite exist. Instead, cheating, deceiving, lying, and heartache happen in the long run/ in the real world. People meet and part. I have realized – the hard way – that everything in life is temporary. everything. money, health, happiness, sorrow, love, friendship. everything. 

it seems some people love the easy way out. most people wont fight for love. wont stand up for what they believe is right. wont put effort to make relationships work. one of my close male friends once told me that if a guy wants something/someone, there is nothing/noone that will stop him. then why is it that all i see around me are guys who have been either too lazy or too proud to go after the woman that they love. Just because something is hard/needs work doesnt mean that you give up at the first obstacle and convince yourself it wasnt meant to be.

Man is a lazy creature.

Man is garfield.  

How I Hate Your Mother

The main reason why women don’t like mama’s boys is because competing with the woman who gave birth to him just isn’t an option. For me, it is primarily because I do not see any ‘alpha male’ quality anymore. And I need to respect my man, knowing he can stand up for himself and for me when and if needed.

Knowing that he cares about his parents and is sensitive towards his mother is nice, it adds a soft side to a man’s character and image. However, being a hand puppet for his mommy, is not only a turn off, but it is a sure way to ruin his and his partner’s lives.

enough said.

inside out

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

say no to NYR!

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

you are what you eat

you are what you drive. you are where you live. tell me who your friends are, i’ll tell you who you are. etc etc.

why is this constant need to analyze people by their possessions/ food intake/ company/ cars/ brands, and all other things we do/own/ people we associate with. what is the need to label and judge and dissect. why cant we take people for what they are? accept them and not over analyze? does judging other people make us feel better about ourselves? coz we’re not focusing on our own downfalls? seriously, people are both fascinating and mindboggling.

stuff that grind my gears. short venting post.

new year!

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHERE THE TIME HAS GONE! I absolutely can’t believe I turned 30 in December. I left my twenties behind. 10 years of my life. ZERO accomplishment. well not zero per se, but so many things I thought were something, turned out to be mere nothings, and so many things I wanted to do and accomplish but never got around to doing, because I was preoccupied with the nothings that I thought were somethings…

That is why, I am determined to  make 2011 the best year ever! I have a plan. I finally have a plan. I did not plan anything since I graduated uni, at 20 incidently, never saw them through. and then vowed not to make any plans so I won’t get disappointed. That kinda spells out failure really… To fear disappointment… it’s like inviting it. anticipating it. expecting it. This time I won’t expect anything. I will just work at it. and with God’s grace. get where I want.

so many things happened lately. 2010 was definitely better than 2009, but it wasn’t ideal, nor stressfree, nor even pleasant. except for the end of it, it ended on a good note thank God. Sometimes, things ending gives way to things beginning.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful year! Live to the fullest, love unconditionally, and let go of all negativity.

the devil wears a pantsuit

As I havent slept all night, I eventually gave in to the chronic insomnia and got up to entertain myself with a movie. Valentine’s Day, check. Prince of Persia, check. few other generic tv movies, check! this morning another tv rerun. Devil Wears Prada. and you know what, Miranda is the closest thing to my boss.

Dragon Lady. cruel ice queen. What happens to women who want to succeed? I understand it’s a man’s world, and women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves in the workplace… because God forbid this woman in charge shows her real personality which might include a touch of kindness or maybe being a little emotional towards things! God forbid people see her as a woman. She would be walked all over and crushed by her male peers. Had she been a man, being cruel and demanding, no one would notice a difference, no body would say “oh the devil!” they would only notice how good he is at his job. But a woman, being that fierce, will always be judged.

But the sad part is, these women tend to trade in their personal lives for their true dedication to their job and their adament will to succeed at their careers and moving them forward. Most men would not allow their wives to be more successful than them, or come home late in the name of duty. My boss is approaching 50, looks very young for her age actually not a day over 40, only married for 3 years when she was 42, I guess she got used to being single as it meant no commitments were there, and she would engulf herself better with the job she loves more than life itself.

I dont see why a woman can’t have it all. family, work, leisure, fun, ‘me time’? I’ve seen it happen! not so far from me actually, mom was a very successful Audit Manager, she only left work when she hit 50 or 52, yes it can get a little crazy and energy draining, but she loved it, and still managed to have it all. Juggling both personal and professional lives needs practice I reckon, and needs a person willing to make it work, if you believe it, you will be it. I know corny. But it is my honest opinion.

 

on marriage and men

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

10 things i plan to do before 35

10. nothing
9. nothing
8. nothing
.
.
.
you see where im going with this i presume..

I probably stopped planning since i was 20, i had just graduated from uni, had a 5 year plan ahead of me, my eyes on the prize as they say, and bam! my world changes drastically, and my plans fall to the flat cold ground.

I could have gotten really discouraged and depressed, oh well, I DID get discouraged and depressed! for a while though, i then decided that every day should be taken in as it comes. dont plan ahead so specifically. have a “big picture’ approach; a major goal you want, but dont limit yourself with the road to get there. Life isnt predictable (sadly and thankfully!) and you need to not beat yourself up when plans dont go as, erm, planned!

So whats my ultimate goal? I kinda lost touch with it unfortunately. I am in the ‘reassessing my life’  stage.

the pale blue dot

So I took  my car to service today, and that humming annoying noise apparently was a bigger problem than I anticipated. so it’s a 2 day job, and I will be carless till midweek. it’s funny how it cripples our mobility big time in this country being carless. had I been in europe or the states where the weather is friendlier, i would probably be biking it everywhere and anywhere.. oh well. it’s only two days.

wasnt the world a lot easier and simpler, around, like, ten years back? when the bloom didnt even start in Dubai and when Apple and BlackBerry were still merely fruits? when kids played in playgrounds rather than being glued to a mobile phone at 5 years of age, and being hooked on video games.. most homes are not “booked” enough, for a lack of better words hehe, most kids I have seen (friends’ kids, or even kids in our distant and immediate family) do not read! its sad! we had shelves and shelves of endless books on literature (dad’s second degree was in english literature may he rest in peace) history (both parents loved history and politics especially) and novels (mom is a diligent reader of arabic novels).. I wish I can say the same for the houses I visit. I think I will be a very military-like mother whenever the time comes God willing. No TV addiction, no timepasses that add no value to my kids’ lives and intellect, no useless toys.. seriously! I want to raise them the way my mom and dad took the time to raise us. the concept of ‘modern’ families does not appeal to me and I absolutely think it’s a failing concept anyway. look at all the dysfunctional families around, marriage itself has become a failing concept these days, with the rise in divorce rates, and the endless bachelors and bachelorettes (a decision made by choice!)..

I have been thinking way too much about the world and what it has come to for around a fortnight.. was not inspired much to write but today I somewhat am. (for my one man audience out there! Hey Marv, my loyal reader lol). After watching History Channel’s episodes of the lost book of Nostradamus and how his predictions have been very accurate for so long, that maybe, just maybe, his prediction of the world ending in 2012, might just be right. Of course I am a strong believer, and I will always trust my faith in God with everything, would not believe a person over God. But I have to say I was intregued, and it was very thought provoking. I always thought I would die at 32, what if I do! did I acheive all I wanted? did I go every where I hoped? will I leave behind any regrets? Can’t help but think of all of that.. Which brings me back to my original lingering and frightening question: did I fulfill my passion in this life? and the sad answer was: a big fat NO. And that shook me. Approaching 30 fastly and furiously makes me even more concerned.

I should give my poor exhausted mind a rest I reckon. I barely sleep. Shouldn’t  burden it with continuous thoughts!

Thanks for reading (Marv). Wishing you [all, if any] a good day.

blahs

* I hate being sick, and non-winter flu is the worst! and funny thing is, no one seems to ask about you when you’re sick. its like *officer down! ok, we got 5364291 other friends to go out with* jeez people.. on a serious note. I hate fevers! i can tolerate any pain, except the ones in my face.

* man is a strange being by all means. its funny how one can love, but not need their loved one. or at least not as much as one needed them at the very beginning of their relationship. so which one is it? “out of sight, out of mind” or “distance makes the heart grow fonder” ?? i myself am not quite sure which one applies.. however, i believe what some perceive as possessiveness, might merely be fear of losing the one person one felt comfortable and strong for.

* will end this short post with a poem thats been brewing since the morning in my rather exhausted and mushy mind.. I am so tired. I think I got a little delusional today!

Untitled

Your eyes so full of apathy
Your mouth knows not but hurt
Walk away from these demons
And remember thy love filled heart
Walk closer and hold me tight
I need to feel complete
Take my hand and lead the way
I want you to feel my need
Had you been in my place
I would not think or hesitate
I would catch you if you fall
Would want to be there if  you brake
I want to be the one you breathe
I want to be your all…

high school personality patterns continue

(WARNING: long psychobabble post ahead, purely my theories and mumbles)

Isnt it funny how high school behaviour patterns and paradigms continue into adulthood and into the office environment? I think most people fully evolve by the age of 16 (child psychology suggests personality starts becoming consistent starting at the age of 5) I think by the time we are at the not-so-sweet 16 stage, most of us keep that personality going..

lemme break them down for you, the way I see them:

The “cool” crowd:

Usually the jocks and cheerleaders of any school. Good looking guys with no substance, no common/general knowledge, not the highest IQ, can be found on the weekend participating in beer pong and block parties, or any activity/event involving alcohol. Loads of it! Generally hanging around and hitting on cheerleaders!

Cheerleaders, usually the girl version of the jock. Stunning, small framed, never had a bad hair day in their lives, mean as hell and like the jocks, not very bright. They move in packs, dont socialize except with one another and of course the jocks.

These usually become the IQ challenged people in the office who get paid a lot just for looking good and knowing the ‘right’ people. PR/Media/Mass communication interests the majority of this segment the most.. Or of course, they could become politicians. They’re popular for no reason anyway.

The Nerds:

Not necessarily the most intelligent or valedictorian material. However, they’re introverts who stay indoors playing video games instead of partying at highschool! Poor dress sence, poor social skills, sporting glasses or braces, or both! Get picked on by the Jocks, and dreaming of getting with the cheerleaders!

They usually become that over diligent employee who almost never attends the company events and gets labeled as anti-social. Or end up the gadget masters and IT crowd.

The Skaters:

Always missing class, always high on mary js and drugs in the pill form, idolize Bob Marley, long haired, free spirites, always in sporty outfits, skateboarding/rollerblading everywhere.. the sun is always up in their skies and its always summer in their heads. Vocabulary consists of “dude” and “stoked”.

Well, you at least have one of them in the office! Dress down thursday is everyday for them, most laid back employee in the office. Loves to talk and might end up in a call center, doing outdoor sales, or pick up a job in logistics and package delivery. I like to think that musicians, DJs and radio presenters fall in this category too.

The Rocker Punks:

Intelligent, do fairly well with grades, develop a devil-may-care attitude, have a good voice and sing along to all the hardcore rock and alternative/grunge music they listen to. They usually despise the jocks and cheerleaders for their frivolity and stupidity. Usually are dressed in darker colours and form fitting clothes, and party sensibly over the weekend. They’re drawn more to artistic events and concerts.

Those are the desirable guys and girls of the office. Dark and broody. get their job done efficiently and quietly, they work best solo. can succeed in any field so no specific one suggested. However, they usualy are leaders not just managers. Also, they tend to enjoy creative thinking and brainstorming for new ideas. Could also work well as Psychologists and surgeons.

The Fly on The Wall:

The quiet kid. Not a nerd. Not emo. Not common mainstream kid. Just quiet. They keep to themselves, eat lunch alone (or with a book), they have a wild imagination as they create a whole world for themselves. Uninvited to any parties. Unnoticed in the halls. Unmissed after graduation. Its like they never existed!

I have a mixed theory for this type. They are either the ones who end up going postal! They work quietly, unnoticed and invisible. Like that quiet back office filing girl? or the office scapegoat who one day will flip and go mental, or postal. OR they end up being the silent geniuses: writers, movie producers, psychics and clairvoyants.

The Bullies:

Very self explanatory!

I see these becoming critics. Analysts. Competetive stock traders and realters.

The Wannabes:

This group wants to be one of the previous groups (except the fly on the wall, no one notices those to wanna be them!)

IMHO these end up the moles to the senior management, the ones who love office gossip, and usually start it. Hackers. Frauds. and identity thieves.

Of course these are my personal theories and thoughts, I am not generalizing, or stating them as facts. and please, share any categories you might have : )

a love hate relationship

Wiki defines a love hate relationship as follows:

A love-hate relationship is a personal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and enmity. This relationship does not have to be of a romantic nature, and may be instead of a sibling one. It may occur when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other.

Doesnt that describe most marriages?

Now on a serious note, I wonder, do we actually need a little bit of hate to enhance the love? just as darkness is essential to appreciate light? is too much love just not healthy?

 

The Power of Suggestion!

its so amazing how one little line across the web will cause panic everywhere in the world with access to the internet. I especially remember this little episode while stating my thought about an event that happened today.. obviously involving spreading a little nasty false fact online!

entertainment thought of the day

I think those two would make a great couple!! They can even share makeup!

my beloved MM :smiley lovey dovey:

and the quirky lady gaga!

its a fine day!

you know what fine stands for? it stands for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.

So its no wonder that most people think they will be just fine!

shout out

to promote a friend’s upcoming business, opening in march, check it out: http://www.fitnessfactory.ae

spread the love people!

Unattainables..

We all long for some things (or ones) that are out of our reach, or maybe not meant to be but we do not know it yet.

How do you go after what you want? Do you just believe that these things (or people) are not meant to happen to you? Or do you keep presisting and working and trying? what about that someone who you really want to be with, but is  taken, or maybe doesnt know you exist yet, or is a friend and you fear ruining what you have.. how do you pursue your dream and only desire of being with him/her? Would you give up on it? Or give it all you have?

What makes you lose hope on anything that you want and crave and feel you are rightfully entitled to in life?

January.. overlook

This January was one big wedgie!

I swear my life is one crazy rollercoaster and a series of dramatic events that I do not know how and why I keep coming across. But no complaints, I guess no one can do my life but me. and I believe that God knows my capacity, and wont give me more than I can handle.

My best friend who only got married a little more than a year back, and now is a proud mother of a 2 month old beautiful girl, is getting a divorce. That has been very emotionally draining for her and even me, I love her to bits and I cant believe what a scum bag her husband is. He simply ruined her life, taking her out of her well paying, decent and very  comfortable job, out of her loving family’s house, to take her to another country where she found out half way through her pregnancy that he is already married (3urfi) to someone 9 years older than him, and has a baby girl from her as well!  Urgh. I feel so frustrated for her. Seriously, she must be the most innocent person I ever met. I think its because she is so innocent, she couldnt see the signs of deceipt. Or he was too good of an actor… I am just happy that she is strong about it, she will stand up for herself and walk away, while most women in our part of the world will stay in a crappy marriage fearing the label of a ‘divorced woman’ and fearing the financial burdens, or just fearing loneliness..

Back to me, my new boss is a lovely woman, amazing at what she does, very knowledgeable and hands on with her job and that is refreshing in comparison with my previous boss.. however! yes you knew that was a ‘but’ moment there.. she wants to relocate the whole regional team in its intirety (63 staff who have lives and families in Dubai) to Egypt to make her life easier! Not to mention cut cost on Dubai’s budget.. Oh, well. Let’s see how that goes. I am hopeful. : )

So many has happened in January, many I will not mention or go over briefly not even in a notion. But it was a month of stress, tough decisions, friendships made and some lost. But most of all, my belief in that tough times are the best teachers, mostly we learn of our own strength, has become an even deeper belief.

January. Glad its over!

a new year!

usually means new hopes, for me its just a sigh of relief that finally 2009 is over! OMG what a crappy year it was. I havent written in a while, not because something is up, only that life happens sometimes, and I get uninspired and out of time to write anything.. Changes at work, good changes il7amdila (thank God) and house hunting as I plan to move into another house closer to work, found a place last week thankfully and should be disappearing again to move in another 2 weeks. Im getting a new boss next week, that is the happy change lol, my ex boss (the horrible one) moved on to another role and finally I do not report to him anymore. New boss is a female boss! also I heard she is a feminist, which is just great as I am one too, she loves empowering the women in her office, so  I am very hopeful. May God make 2010 a blessed year for everyone. I think it just cant get worse than 2009.

I have been hooked on youtube channels lately, I love checking out randomness, but I have been really addicted to a couple of beauty channels.. how girly of me! I just realized that I love makeup! I dont usually sport a caked face, on the contrary, my routine is very natural, but its fascinating how corrective and enhancing products can be. Some people however have the wrong understanding of the basics of applying makeup.. it especially shocks me to see teenagers having more makeup than I do on at 8 am going to school or uni! why? seriously.

I guess people have a distorted image of themselves, even at a young age, everyone wants to be someone else. not many satisfied girls with their looks, and so many try to change these looks in the most dramatic ways. which is sad. I applaud change, and its nice to always have a new do or new ways of wearing makeup but not cover up your initial features to appeal to the outside world. Im pretty sure the outside world is gonna be just fine with the original version of you. people’s self acceptance levels arent very impressive these days. I will not blame the media as everyone does. or at least. i wont blame the media fully. the way we absorb media is not ideal either, as most believe and follow it blindly. You only need to take in what will work for you and not just take in everything, toxic or not.

and on a separate note, my neighbours  have the noisiest kid ever, but I dont mind it much as she’s just a toddler, she doesnt comprehend. however, they bought the most annoying cockatoo bird and placed it on the window’s ledge! which is so adjacent to my window I can actually reach out and suffocate the living hell out of it! But since I am an animals rights activist, I am just thinking of the ways I can release the gate to its cage and just let it roam and fly and tweet its heart out freely, in someone else’s neighbourhood!

I hope you welcomed the new year in a good way, nothing too crazy and wild :-p I did not do anything special really, I am not the partying type.. So it was a quiet night with my sister’s family, her in-laws, and my favorite uncle who is in town for a while.. I do not usually have any resolutions made on new years, as most people, including myself, never come through with any.. however, this year I promised myself a healthier lifestyle.

What were your resolutions this year, if any?

whats with

people and stars in specific dying so young??? (and by young i mean they’re not 60 yet!)

Brittany Murphy this morning, age 32.

Stephen Gateley, age 33.

Chris Henry, age 26 .

Michael Jackson, age 50.

Patrick Swayze, age 57.

Heath Ledger, age 28.

Makes me ponder.

Death is always sad, and I know I shouldn’t think that it’s sadder and unfair because they were too young, but a part of me does think that..

short musings

* We had a long holiday for Eid and National Day, and i took the 2 days in between off so I can have the week off. I havent had a decent holiday since ever! (ever being December 07) the only days i left for a while were when I went to finish up official paper works after dad passed and to get mom to stay with us. and that was only a short period, spent in official offices in Jordan, and trust me, if you havent been there yourself, its not fun! I am actually dreading going back on Sunday! I do not know what bad karma I am paying for, but I havent had a proper decent boss for a while now. 3 years for crying out loud. what could I have possibly done wrong in this lifetime, or past ones if existed, to deserve this? oh well.. il7amdila (thank God). I just hope I can make an internal transfer to another department, there are a few openings after the bank laid off half the staff! I just hope my current boss doesnt play child of Satan on me and grants me a smooth move. *fingers and toes crossed*

* and here is something i wrote 2 days back, i havent written in a while, but suddenly got inspired.

Toxic Friends..

Waltz was never my favorite dance
Going around in circles, yet still at stance..
Masquerading back and forth with detriment
Repeatedly telling me it’s not entirely meant
Your theory of friendship is so distorted
Making me feel confused and contorted
It’s hard to let go but I cannot stay..
Till you finally realize my worth one day
I wish you let me know what’s on your mind
So I can make a decision and never look behind..

D

randomness

* I know i might sound like a silly teenager for looking forward to the new moon movie, but I am! And no, I am not in any way attracted to any of the characters! actually a few co-workers refer to robert (edward) as shovel face. and I agree, not my cuppa. very flat faced. anyway, I am actually looking forward to the new movie in the saga. further to wanting to watch it, I would like to read the rest of the books. I believe books are more interesting than movie makes of them. and certainly, anything vampire related is bound to become a fave of mine. I dont really know what fascinates me so much with darkness, and blood, and this sadistic instinct with a hint of subliminal violence.. but it does. I mellowed out in the gothic image area, except for the dark eye, but on the inside, i very much am a practicing goth! everything Acheronic is way more interesting than clear, bright, common things/lifestyles. At least in my eyes..

* I always get excited this time of year, seriously December is my favorite month only for the festivity! I love the colours of christmas, the spirit, the tree! this year I am really looking forward to the million holidays in December, thinking of taking 2 days off at some point, dont plan to go anywhere, but just kick back and relax, preferably with a book and a good massage lol. I am developing a cooking craze though, I would love to bake more, one day! I actually suck at baking or making desserts.. unless its cheesecake or cold stuff.. so maybe I can get inspired with the festive season as baked goods are everywhere, and I actually love the idea of giving home baked sweets as gifts.

* They unblocked deviantart! lululululeesh!

* This must be my new fave clip, Shakira ‘Did It Again’ i love the martial art-ish bits.
I like! Oh and the song isnt bad either..

 

music list

I am very much into heavy metal, alternative, goth metal, and grotesque (mainly MM), but lately I have been listening to a lot of rnb/hip hop on the radio and some *gulp* pop music!

To my horror, I find myself liking the songs below lately:

1. Rihana – Russian Roulette
2. Sean Paul – Press It Up
3. Guy Manoukian – Shooting Star
4. Wiley – Wearing My Rolex (shockingly grows on you!)
5. Lady Gaga (whose real name is *brace yourself* Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta!) – Bad Romance
6. Pitbull *drool* – Room Service
7. Jay Z + Rihanna – Run This Town
8. Timbaland + Missy Elliot – Get involved
9. Timbaland + Nelly Furtado – Morning After

so its kind of a big change to my usual stuff.. but its ok to listen to sth that doesnt ivolve a lot of hearing impairing loudness and suicidal thoughts.

dia de los muertos

was a three day celebration starting 31 Oct ending 2 Nov. Modern day Dia de los Muertos is celebrated on 1 & 2 Nov only.

 

Dia de los muertos (Day of the Dead) is a ritual practiced for at least 3000 years in what is now called Mexico. Its simply a way to honor the dead, and celebrate their lives. Instead of fearing death, the aztecs and other meso-american cultures embraced death and celebrated it. Sugar skulls are baked with the names of the deceased on the forehead, and gets consumed by the family and relatives of the deceased. They decorate cemeteries, bring their deceased loved ones’ favorite foods, and sit on blankets at night talking about their fondest memories and eating these foods. Celebrating death and rebirth.

I am fascinated with the colourful skulls to be honest. I would love to get one as a memorial tattoo for dad. I vowed once never to get any faces inked on my skin although i have a perfect picture of dad (allah yer7amo) back in the 70s, black and white and very classical but beautiful, so a day of the dead sugar skull would be the next best thing.

I donno if any of you goes trick or treating, or dresses up for a halloween house party, but whatever you do tomorrow, have fun and celebrate life!

blehs..

* TGIT! seriously, that was one of the longest weeks in history. well in my (short) history! its funny how happiness/misery sometimes can be a powerful time measurement unit! I wonder about the ancient times, before watches and sand clocks, how did they measure time when they were happy/miserasble? i mean we can say “the hours stretched forever” or ” the minutes wouldnt pass”, how about them? were they aware of the concept of time? or was it only measured by day and night in their heads.. worth googling i reckon! or snuggling in bed tonight with my best friend, the Discovery Channel <3<3<3 

* I thought i was such a good judge of character in the past, and now I am more sure than ever. Since i moved into the new office, i have observed everyone, I tend to take my sweet long time to mingle and make friends as i am a firm believer that there are no friends at work. Everyone will in the end worry bout theirselves. But if someone opens up, i give my two ears to listen! lol. so this girl who sits fairly close to my desk and i have been talking more frequently lately, general stuff, we’re both into astronomy/astrology, books, and jewelry : D but the other day she started telling me the office gossip. And its fascinating that most are just as filthy, and some, just as evil, and others, just as manipulating as i expected them to be. even though i did not engage in any talk with any. it’s not that i impressed myself. but it’s just funny how the human race can sometimes be so predictable.

* over the weekend as I was driving back from my sister’s place, i had to pass through al Quoz road, and to my joy and ultimate happiness, i found a huge traffic tail, as i somehow get clausterphobic, i got out of the car for a minute in the stand still to see what was holding us up. turns out the first car in the tail line was a cab, whose driver was honking frantically loud at two peacocks crossing the road AS IF they would listen or be bothered! its so weird that on al Quoz road you would see more exotic animals than you would at Jumeirah Zoo! i once saw a deer and its fawn crossing, someone was once mentioning they saw a couple of monkeys on that road too, and my boss was telling us the other day that he saw a leopard crossing! can you imagine your state of mind if you see a free wild leopard just crossing the street? I would panic and faint!! It seems there’s some mansion or sheikh’s palace there.

after a long (and boring) training session today.. this was very spot on. Have a good weekend everyone!

Thought of the day..

Its been a long while since i had one of those, so here’s a thought!

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway, and do good anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.

– Anonymous

 

my new fave thing!

(warning: girly post ahead)

I am in no way in the business of advertising for any product on my blog, however, i recently purchased an item that i had no faith in, only to change my mind from one day’s use!

I was instantly and pleasantly surprised! I felt the activity in every muscle, and my posture (which isnt bad to start with) was immediately better. Now, it is said that if you wear it regularly even if around the house, you are bound to tone your legs and glutes, and lose up to 4 inches a month from your thighs while banishing cellulite! I’ll give an update a month later, but if you have weak legs, or are a diabetic, or have a knee injury (like myself), bad back, or even arthritus, this flip flop helps ease the pain and improve posture. It might not be the prettiest design, but they’re coming up with new designs like fringed ones and closed fronts.

Im hearting my fitflops ❤ ❤ ❤

this one’s in arabic

لأن لازم افش خلقي!!!

كنت بالاردن الاسبوع اللي فات، للأسف، لأخلص امور من ضمنها حصر الارث و اللذي منو من معاملات رسمية و التي تتطلب التواجد في الدوائر الحكومية… و ما ادراك  ما الدوائر الحكومية! عنجد سموها دوائر لسبب وجيه! بتدوخ و انت بتلفلف لتوصل للي بدكياه

و ما وصلت للي بدياه!

i seriously cannot begin to explain the amount of rage and anger that was brewing in me everytime i had to set foot in any of those places, المخفر، المحكمة، الاراضي، الاحوال الشخصية,  the amount of قله احترام للمراجع and the way they so obviously displayed their nonchalant attitude to the people infront of them, not to mention the SMOKING! انو مش مفروض يكون ممنوع بالمكاتب\المخافر it was insane! i was ready to either kill someone, or just kill myself!

so i decided to come back and do what i have to do through the Embassy/Consulate here in UAE. Eft!

Smile you are in Sharjah

 

A couple of reasons as to why i found it hard to smile even though i live in sharjah…

a) power outages! Last Thursday, as i was driving home in the suffocating traffic between dubai and sharjah, i learn that the traffic is worse due to traffic lights not working in sharjah since there is a major power outage (SEWA needs a huge revamp!) so i quickly called the laundry dude in my building (simply because the watchman was too lazy/sleepy to answer) and asked him if we have electricity in our building! I was devastated with his quick and depressing ‘No’ (i live on the tenth floor!) but had no choice, i was way past the stage where i can make a turn and go back to dubai, to crash my sister’s office iftar party. or just hang out somewhere till iftar time.. thankfully i got home to find the building all lit again : D and did not have to go up 3828467 stairs to go up to a humid home! But other areas of Sharjah did not have any electricity till way later in the evening. I mean what about the families who dont have a car to stay in for a while until the power comes back, or drive somewhere to escape the heat at home! Something has to be done. I just dont quite know what.

b) A sudden tooth ache on Saturday night, eve of Eid, and not a living breathing good doctor/dentist was at their clinic! So had to wait till Tuesday and sustain Eid with a terrible tooth ache and an accompanying migraine. Needless to say, im almost limping coz one side of my head is heavier since my cheek is intensely swollen today, i had a root canal yesterday with the only working dentist in town.  She’s good though, so no regrets there..

Other than that, Eid was ok, busy first day, quiet the next, and the third was just a lazy-at-home day, where i was catching up on domestic chores and what not..