Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

The main reason why women don’t like mama’s boys is because competing with the woman who gave birth to him just isn’t an option. For me, it is primarily because I do not see any ‘alpha male’ quality anymore. And I need to respect my man, knowing he can stand up for himself and for me when and if needed.

Knowing that he cares about his parents and is sensitive towards his mother is nice, it adds a soft side to a man’s character and image. However, being a hand puppet for his mommy, is not only a turn off, but it is a sure way to ruin his and his partner’s lives.

enough said.

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(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

say no to NYR!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

new year!

Posted: January 3, 2011 in bittersweet, bla bla bla, random, thoughts

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHERE THE TIME HAS GONE! I absolutely can’t believe I turned 30 in December. I left my twenties behind. 10 years of my life. ZERO accomplishment. well not zero per se, but so many things I thought were something, turned out to be mere nothings, and so many things I wanted to do and accomplish but never got around to doing, because I was preoccupied with the nothings that I thought were somethings…

That is why, I am determined to  make 2011 the best year ever! I have a plan. I finally have a plan. I did not plan anything since I graduated uni, at 20 incidently, never saw them through. and then vowed not to make any plans so I won’t get disappointed. That kinda spells out failure really… To fear disappointment… it’s like inviting it. anticipating it. expecting it. This time I won’t expect anything. I will just work at it. and with God’s grace. get where I want.

so many things happened lately. 2010 was definitely better than 2009, but it wasn’t ideal, nor stressfree, nor even pleasant. except for the end of it, it ended on a good note thank God. Sometimes, things ending gives way to things beginning.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful year! Live to the fullest, love unconditionally, and let go of all negativity.

As I havent slept all night, I eventually gave in to the chronic insomnia and got up to entertain myself with a movie. Valentine’s Day, check. Prince of Persia, check. few other generic tv movies, check! this morning another tv rerun. Devil Wears Prada. and you know what, Miranda is the closest thing to my boss.

Dragon Lady. cruel ice queen. What happens to women who want to succeed? I understand it’s a man’s world, and women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves in the workplace… because God forbid this woman in charge shows her real personality which might include a touch of kindness or maybe being a little emotional towards things! God forbid people see her as a woman. She would be walked all over and crushed by her male peers. Had she been a man, being cruel and demanding, no one would notice a difference, no body would say “oh the devil!” they would only notice how good he is at his job. But a woman, being that fierce, will always be judged.

But the sad part is, these women tend to trade in their personal lives for their true dedication to their job and their adament will to succeed at their careers and moving them forward. Most men would not allow their wives to be more successful than them, or come home late in the name of duty. My boss is approaching 50, looks very young for her age actually not a day over 40, only married for 3 years when she was 42, I guess she got used to being single as it meant no commitments were there, and she would engulf herself better with the job she loves more than life itself.

I dont see why a woman can’t have it all. family, work, leisure, fun, ‘me time’? I’ve seen it happen! not so far from me actually, mom was a very successful Audit Manager, she only left work when she hit 50 or 52, yes it can get a little crazy and energy draining, but she loved it, and still managed to have it all. Juggling both personal and professional lives needs practice I reckon, and needs a person willing to make it work, if you believe it, you will be it. I know corny. But it is my honest opinion.

 

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

10. nothing
9. nothing
8. nothing
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you see where im going with this i presume..

I probably stopped planning since i was 20, i had just graduated from uni, had a 5 year plan ahead of me, my eyes on the prize as they say, and bam! my world changes drastically, and my plans fall to the flat cold ground.

I could have gotten really discouraged and depressed, oh well, I DID get discouraged and depressed! for a while though, i then decided that every day should be taken in as it comes. dont plan ahead so specifically. have a “big picture’ approach; a major goal you want, but dont limit yourself with the road to get there. Life isnt predictable (sadly and thankfully!) and you need to not beat yourself up when plans dont go as, erm, planned!

So whats my ultimate goal? I kinda lost touch with it unfortunately. I am in the ‘reassessing my life’  stage.