Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

The main reason why women don’t like mama’s boys is because competing with the woman who gave birth to him just isn’t an option. For me, it is primarily because I do not see any ‘alpha male’ quality anymore. And I need to respect my man, knowing he can stand up for himself and for me when and if needed.

Knowing that he cares about his parents and is sensitive towards his mother is nice, it adds a soft side to a man’s character and image. However, being a hand puppet for his mommy, is not only a turn off, but it is a sure way to ruin his and his partner’s lives.

enough said.

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

say no to NYR!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

new year!

Posted: January 3, 2011 in bittersweet, bla bla bla, random, thoughts

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHERE THE TIME HAS GONE! I absolutely can’t believe I turned 30 in December. I left my twenties behind. 10 years of my life. ZERO accomplishment. well not zero per se, but so many things I thought were something, turned out to be mere nothings, and so many things I wanted to do and accomplish but never got around to doing, because I was preoccupied with the nothings that I thought were somethings…

That is why, I am determined to  make 2011 the best year ever! I have a plan. I finally have a plan. I did not plan anything since I graduated uni, at 20 incidently, never saw them through. and then vowed not to make any plans so I won’t get disappointed. That kinda spells out failure really… To fear disappointment… it’s like inviting it. anticipating it. expecting it. This time I won’t expect anything. I will just work at it. and with God’s grace. get where I want.

so many things happened lately. 2010 was definitely better than 2009, but it wasn’t ideal, nor stressfree, nor even pleasant. except for the end of it, it ended on a good note thank God. Sometimes, things ending gives way to things beginning.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful year! Live to the fullest, love unconditionally, and let go of all negativity.

As I havent slept all night, I eventually gave in to the chronic insomnia and got up to entertain myself with a movie. Valentine’s Day, check. Prince of Persia, check. few other generic tv movies, check! this morning another tv rerun. Devil Wears Prada. and you know what, Miranda is the closest thing to my boss.

Dragon Lady. cruel ice queen. What happens to women who want to succeed? I understand it’s a man’s world, and women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves in the workplace… because God forbid this woman in charge shows her real personality which might include a touch of kindness or maybe being a little emotional towards things! God forbid people see her as a woman. She would be walked all over and crushed by her male peers. Had she been a man, being cruel and demanding, no one would notice a difference, no body would say “oh the devil!” they would only notice how good he is at his job. But a woman, being that fierce, will always be judged.

But the sad part is, these women tend to trade in their personal lives for their true dedication to their job and their adament will to succeed at their careers and moving them forward. Most men would not allow their wives to be more successful than them, or come home late in the name of duty. My boss is approaching 50, looks very young for her age actually not a day over 40, only married for 3 years when she was 42, I guess she got used to being single as it meant no commitments were there, and she would engulf herself better with the job she loves more than life itself.

I dont see why a woman can’t have it all. family, work, leisure, fun, ‘me time’? I’ve seen it happen! not so far from me actually, mom was a very successful Audit Manager, she only left work when she hit 50 or 52, yes it can get a little crazy and energy draining, but she loved it, and still managed to have it all. Juggling both personal and professional lives needs practice I reckon, and needs a person willing to make it work, if you believe it, you will be it. I know corny. But it is my honest opinion.

 

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

10. nothing
9. nothing
8. nothing
.
.
.
you see where im going with this i presume..

I probably stopped planning since i was 20, i had just graduated from uni, had a 5 year plan ahead of me, my eyes on the prize as they say, and bam! my world changes drastically, and my plans fall to the flat cold ground.

I could have gotten really discouraged and depressed, oh well, I DID get discouraged and depressed! for a while though, i then decided that every day should be taken in as it comes. dont plan ahead so specifically. have a “big picture’ approach; a major goal you want, but dont limit yourself with the road to get there. Life isnt predictable (sadly and thankfully!) and you need to not beat yourself up when plans dont go as, erm, planned!

So whats my ultimate goal? I kinda lost touch with it unfortunately. I am in the ‘reassessing my life’  stage.

So I took  my car to service today, and that humming annoying noise apparently was a bigger problem than I anticipated. so it’s a 2 day job, and I will be carless till midweek. it’s funny how it cripples our mobility big time in this country being carless. had I been in europe or the states where the weather is friendlier, i would probably be biking it everywhere and anywhere.. oh well. it’s only two days.

wasnt the world a lot easier and simpler, around, like, ten years back? when the bloom didnt even start in Dubai and when Apple and BlackBerry were still merely fruits? when kids played in playgrounds rather than being glued to a mobile phone at 5 years of age, and being hooked on video games.. most homes are not “booked” enough, for a lack of better words hehe, most kids I have seen (friends’ kids, or even kids in our distant and immediate family) do not read! its sad! we had shelves and shelves of endless books on literature (dad’s second degree was in english literature may he rest in peace) history (both parents loved history and politics especially) and novels (mom is a diligent reader of arabic novels).. I wish I can say the same for the houses I visit. I think I will be a very military-like mother whenever the time comes God willing. No TV addiction, no timepasses that add no value to my kids’ lives and intellect, no useless toys.. seriously! I want to raise them the way my mom and dad took the time to raise us. the concept of ‘modern’ families does not appeal to me and I absolutely think it’s a failing concept anyway. look at all the dysfunctional families around, marriage itself has become a failing concept these days, with the rise in divorce rates, and the endless bachelors and bachelorettes (a decision made by choice!)..

I have been thinking way too much about the world and what it has come to for around a fortnight.. was not inspired much to write but today I somewhat am. (for my one man audience out there! Hey Marv, my loyal reader lol). After watching History Channel’s episodes of the lost book of Nostradamus and how his predictions have been very accurate for so long, that maybe, just maybe, his prediction of the world ending in 2012, might just be right. Of course I am a strong believer, and I will always trust my faith in God with everything, would not believe a person over God. But I have to say I was intregued, and it was very thought provoking. I always thought I would die at 32, what if I do! did I acheive all I wanted? did I go every where I hoped? will I leave behind any regrets? Can’t help but think of all of that.. Which brings me back to my original lingering and frightening question: did I fulfill my passion in this life? and the sad answer was: a big fat NO. And that shook me. Approaching 30 fastly and furiously makes me even more concerned.

I should give my poor exhausted mind a rest I reckon. I barely sleep. Shouldn’t  burden it with continuous thoughts!

Thanks for reading (Marv). Wishing you [all, if any] a good day.

* I hate being sick, and non-winter flu is the worst! and funny thing is, no one seems to ask about you when you’re sick. its like *officer down! ok, we got 5364291 other friends to go out with* jeez people.. on a serious note. I hate fevers! i can tolerate any pain, except the ones in my face.

* man is a strange being by all means. its funny how one can love, but not need their loved one. or at least not as much as one needed them at the very beginning of their relationship. so which one is it? “out of sight, out of mind” or “distance makes the heart grow fonder” ?? i myself am not quite sure which one applies.. however, i believe what some perceive as possessiveness, might merely be fear of losing the one person one felt comfortable and strong for.

* will end this short post with a poem thats been brewing since the morning in my rather exhausted and mushy mind.. I am so tired. I think I got a little delusional today!

Untitled

Your eyes so full of apathy
Your mouth knows not but hurt
Walk away from these demons
And remember thy love filled heart
Walk closer and hold me tight
I need to feel complete
Take my hand and lead the way
I want you to feel my need
Had you been in my place
I would not think or hesitate
I would catch you if you fall
Would want to be there if  you brake
I want to be the one you breathe
I want to be your all…

(WARNING: long psychobabble post ahead, purely my theories and mumbles)

Isnt it funny how high school behaviour patterns and paradigms continue into adulthood and into the office environment? I think most people fully evolve by the age of 16 (child psychology suggests personality starts becoming consistent starting at the age of 5) I think by the time we are at the not-so-sweet 16 stage, most of us keep that personality going..

lemme break them down for you, the way I see them:

The “cool” crowd:

Usually the jocks and cheerleaders of any school. Good looking guys with no substance, no common/general knowledge, not the highest IQ, can be found on the weekend participating in beer pong and block parties, or any activity/event involving alcohol. Loads of it! Generally hanging around and hitting on cheerleaders!

Cheerleaders, usually the girl version of the jock. Stunning, small framed, never had a bad hair day in their lives, mean as hell and like the jocks, not very bright. They move in packs, dont socialize except with one another and of course the jocks.

These usually become the IQ challenged people in the office who get paid a lot just for looking good and knowing the ‘right’ people. PR/Media/Mass communication interests the majority of this segment the most.. Or of course, they could become politicians. They’re popular for no reason anyway.

The Nerds:

Not necessarily the most intelligent or valedictorian material. However, they’re introverts who stay indoors playing video games instead of partying at highschool! Poor dress sence, poor social skills, sporting glasses or braces, or both! Get picked on by the Jocks, and dreaming of getting with the cheerleaders!

They usually become that over diligent employee who almost never attends the company events and gets labeled as anti-social. Or end up the gadget masters and IT crowd.

The Skaters:

Always missing class, always high on mary js and drugs in the pill form, idolize Bob Marley, long haired, free spirites, always in sporty outfits, skateboarding/rollerblading everywhere.. the sun is always up in their skies and its always summer in their heads. Vocabulary consists of “dude” and “stoked”.

Well, you at least have one of them in the office! Dress down thursday is everyday for them, most laid back employee in the office. Loves to talk and might end up in a call center, doing outdoor sales, or pick up a job in logistics and package delivery. I like to think that musicians, DJs and radio presenters fall in this category too.

The Rocker Punks:

Intelligent, do fairly well with grades, develop a devil-may-care attitude, have a good voice and sing along to all the hardcore rock and alternative/grunge music they listen to. They usually despise the jocks and cheerleaders for their frivolity and stupidity. Usually are dressed in darker colours and form fitting clothes, and party sensibly over the weekend. They’re drawn more to artistic events and concerts.

Those are the desirable guys and girls of the office. Dark and broody. get their job done efficiently and quietly, they work best solo. can succeed in any field so no specific one suggested. However, they usualy are leaders not just managers. Also, they tend to enjoy creative thinking and brainstorming for new ideas. Could also work well as Psychologists and surgeons.

The Fly on The Wall:

The quiet kid. Not a nerd. Not emo. Not common mainstream kid. Just quiet. They keep to themselves, eat lunch alone (or with a book), they have a wild imagination as they create a whole world for themselves. Uninvited to any parties. Unnoticed in the halls. Unmissed after graduation. Its like they never existed!

I have a mixed theory for this type. They are either the ones who end up going postal! They work quietly, unnoticed and invisible. Like that quiet back office filing girl? or the office scapegoat who one day will flip and go mental, or postal. OR they end up being the silent geniuses: writers, movie producers, psychics and clairvoyants.

The Bullies:

Very self explanatory!

I see these becoming critics. Analysts. Competetive stock traders and realters.

The Wannabes:

This group wants to be one of the previous groups (except the fly on the wall, no one notices those to wanna be them!)

IMHO these end up the moles to the senior management, the ones who love office gossip, and usually start it. Hackers. Frauds. and identity thieves.

Of course these are my personal theories and thoughts, I am not generalizing, or stating them as facts. and please, share any categories you might have : )

Wiki defines a love hate relationship as follows:

A love-hate relationship is a personal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and enmity. This relationship does not have to be of a romantic nature, and may be instead of a sibling one. It may occur when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other.

Doesnt that describe most marriages?

Now on a serious note, I wonder, do we actually need a little bit of hate to enhance the love? just as darkness is essential to appreciate light? is too much love just not healthy?

 

This January was one big wedgie!

I swear my life is one crazy rollercoaster and a series of dramatic events that I do not know how and why I keep coming across. But no complaints, I guess no one can do my life but me. and I believe that God knows my capacity, and wont give me more than I can handle.

My best friend who only got married a little more than a year back, and now is a proud mother of a 2 month old beautiful girl, is getting a divorce. That has been very emotionally draining for her and even me, I love her to bits and I cant believe what a scum bag her husband is. He simply ruined her life, taking her out of her well paying, decent and very  comfortable job, out of her loving family’s house, to take her to another country where she found out half way through her pregnancy that he is already married (3urfi) to someone 9 years older than him, and has a baby girl from her as well!  Urgh. I feel so frustrated for her. Seriously, she must be the most innocent person I ever met. I think its because she is so innocent, she couldnt see the signs of deceipt. Or he was too good of an actor… I am just happy that she is strong about it, she will stand up for herself and walk away, while most women in our part of the world will stay in a crappy marriage fearing the label of a ‘divorced woman’ and fearing the financial burdens, or just fearing loneliness..

Back to me, my new boss is a lovely woman, amazing at what she does, very knowledgeable and hands on with her job and that is refreshing in comparison with my previous boss.. however! yes you knew that was a ‘but’ moment there.. she wants to relocate the whole regional team in its intirety (63 staff who have lives and families in Dubai) to Egypt to make her life easier! Not to mention cut cost on Dubai’s budget.. Oh, well. Let’s see how that goes. I am hopeful. : )

So many has happened in January, many I will not mention or go over briefly not even in a notion. But it was a month of stress, tough decisions, friendships made and some lost. But most of all, my belief in that tough times are the best teachers, mostly we learn of our own strength, has become an even deeper belief.

January. Glad its over!

short musings

Posted: December 4, 2009 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, thoughts

* We had a long holiday for Eid and National Day, and i took the 2 days in between off so I can have the week off. I havent had a decent holiday since ever! (ever being December 07) the only days i left for a while were when I went to finish up official paper works after dad passed and to get mom to stay with us. and that was only a short period, spent in official offices in Jordan, and trust me, if you havent been there yourself, its not fun! I am actually dreading going back on Sunday! I do not know what bad karma I am paying for, but I havent had a proper decent boss for a while now. 3 years for crying out loud. what could I have possibly done wrong in this lifetime, or past ones if existed, to deserve this? oh well.. il7amdila (thank God). I just hope I can make an internal transfer to another department, there are a few openings after the bank laid off half the staff! I just hope my current boss doesnt play child of Satan on me and grants me a smooth move. *fingers and toes crossed*

* and here is something i wrote 2 days back, i havent written in a while, but suddenly got inspired.

Toxic Friends..

Waltz was never my favorite dance
Going around in circles, yet still at stance..
Masquerading back and forth with detriment
Repeatedly telling me it’s not entirely meant
Your theory of friendship is so distorted
Making me feel confused and contorted
It’s hard to let go but I cannot stay..
Till you finally realize my worth one day
I wish you let me know what’s on your mind
So I can make a decision and never look behind..

D

blehs..

Posted: October 22, 2009 in bla bla bla, ma7alli, random, thoughts

* TGIT! seriously, that was one of the longest weeks in history. well in my (short) history! its funny how happiness/misery sometimes can be a powerful time measurement unit! I wonder about the ancient times, before watches and sand clocks, how did they measure time when they were happy/miserasble? i mean we can say “the hours stretched forever” or ” the minutes wouldnt pass”, how about them? were they aware of the concept of time? or was it only measured by day and night in their heads.. worth googling i reckon! or snuggling in bed tonight with my best friend, the Discovery Channel <3<3<3 

* I thought i was such a good judge of character in the past, and now I am more sure than ever. Since i moved into the new office, i have observed everyone, I tend to take my sweet long time to mingle and make friends as i am a firm believer that there are no friends at work. Everyone will in the end worry bout theirselves. But if someone opens up, i give my two ears to listen! lol. so this girl who sits fairly close to my desk and i have been talking more frequently lately, general stuff, we’re both into astronomy/astrology, books, and jewelry : D but the other day she started telling me the office gossip. And its fascinating that most are just as filthy, and some, just as evil, and others, just as manipulating as i expected them to be. even though i did not engage in any talk with any. it’s not that i impressed myself. but it’s just funny how the human race can sometimes be so predictable.

* over the weekend as I was driving back from my sister’s place, i had to pass through al Quoz road, and to my joy and ultimate happiness, i found a huge traffic tail, as i somehow get clausterphobic, i got out of the car for a minute in the stand still to see what was holding us up. turns out the first car in the tail line was a cab, whose driver was honking frantically loud at two peacocks crossing the road AS IF they would listen or be bothered! its so weird that on al Quoz road you would see more exotic animals than you would at Jumeirah Zoo! i once saw a deer and its fawn crossing, someone was once mentioning they saw a couple of monkeys on that road too, and my boss was telling us the other day that he saw a leopard crossing! can you imagine your state of mind if you see a free wild leopard just crossing the street? I would panic and faint!! It seems there’s some mansion or sheikh’s palace there.

after a long (and boring) training session today.. this was very spot on. Have a good weekend everyone!

Thought of the day..

Posted: October 12, 2009 in quote, thoughts

Its been a long while since i had one of those, so here’s a thought!

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway, and do good anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.

– Anonymous

 

when priorities shift

Posted: September 17, 2009 in bla bla bla, i wanna know, thoughts

embracing that change is not always easy..

what are your priorities at this stage of your life?

Q..

Posted: September 15, 2009 in i wanna know, life, people, relationships, thoughts

this is a question for both genders.

for the sake of the  most effective birth control possible, would you get ‘clipped’ if you’re a man? or ‘tie your tubes’ if you’re a woman? Also, for the men out there, would you let your wives ‘tie her tubes’ in the future knowing that it is a big deal, a full on surgery with anesthesia and risks while getting clipped is a) reversable, and b) less risky and can be done in minutes?

random Q,  which was somehoe inspired after watching some sitcom a while back. it got me thinking, would the average arab male consider these options to begin with? and will the average arab woman be open for such a drastic measure to the ways of nature? But i guess with the side effects of the pill, and the very low percentage of men who would use ‘protection’ after they get married, one may want to think of other options.

no its not a quiz post.

i tend to see the word as ‘judge’ & ‘mental’ to tell you the truth! i dont think i was ever that judgemental, except when i was younger maybe, i had my few moments. however, the longer my journey goes is in this life, the more relaxed and laid back i have become, and the less judgemental i ended up. almost reaching zero judgementalitis (yes, in the infection form).

I am not sure how we become judgemental to be honest, but i always thought it was an environmentally acquired trait. if one is raised in a stereotyping community, one might get more accustomed to the idea of labeling others.. of course there are exceptions, who wouldn’t get affected by the people around them, rather build their own persona and own method of thought. I am not sure if it has to do with how religious we are either, but an old discussion with an ex colleague and a forever best friend brought it up, she believes that if one has faith in God being the ultimate judge of our actions and behavior, then one will never override God’s ‘authority’. Maybe some form of judgement is ok to have? to help in self valuation and self advancement? I dont know.

The judgement that i do not approve of however is the mechanism that we use to create and perpetuate separation, segregation, negativity and limitation for ourselves and from others. and sometimes. make ourselves appear better in our own eyes than others,  you know, putting others down to bring yourself up. which makes the second way of becoming judgemental in my books; good old fashioned low self esteem and total laziness to improve oneself, so one choses the easy way out!

After a lot of thought, i have concluded that understanding the following is the easiest and fastest way people can become less judgemental:

  1. understanding that REAL confidence, is purely self created!
  2. understanding that you are in no way superior to anyone for any reason.
  3. understanding that making a negative judgement about another person is always a reflection of who you are, not of who they are.

the end! 😀

thoughts..

Posted: September 11, 2009 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, dubai, random, thoughts

* i always used to think people were gluttons for happy endings, but with every incident that happens i become more convinced that people (in our part of the world) CRAVE drama, whether its a car accident, a fire, religiously watching a soap opera, a public lovers’ quarrel, or even someone tumbling and falling in the street! we just have to watch it! the psychologist in me suggests its because of wanting to see others in bad situations, a resounding conviction of  ‘life isnt always perfect to others’ it makes one feel better about one’s life in a way..  but still people, go to therapy in Dubai and STOP RUBBERNECKING on the roads! Some of us would like to reach their destinations!

* One of the things i hate bout this city is that there are no theatres, art cinemas, proper museums, and more cultural events worth attending.. I long for a good foreign movie! or a trip to a good museum, that will actually entice me more than Dubai museum of the ‘old’ heritage of this city. i need something more than 40 years old! I hope now that we have a modern metro system, that someone will actually come up with something less expensive and more educational and cultural. Bleh!

* The new office has such a different culture than the old, not that the old one had any definite culture to begin with, but the new place has a more enviting aura. I am not the type who actually believes in office frienships, as most of them are superficial and periodic, once you leave, you’re forgotten. But this office begs to differ. I see a lot of people who enjoy a professional atmosphere but have strong friendships amongst them outside of the office, which is, quite frankly, very refreshing! I’m not sure i will be makng any of those strong friendships, but I am enjoying a healthier environment. Il7amdila.

* and on a final and completely irrelevant note, my thought of the day: ” A divorce paper is one that gives a wife the upper hand, and gives the husband the middle finger! “

* its funny (not funny ha ha) how some people like to ruin things for others when its ruined for them! why dont people just leave others alone?! especially the happier ones.. karma is not be taken lightly people!

* i read this sentence somewhere and ever since i did, its been stuck in the back of my head, resurfacing every once in a while to fuel my insomnia again: “if u have no passion for what u do, u’ll never be really happy“..

i have certainly reached that stage. depressingly so.

i’ve prolly been feeling it for a while but denying it coz we as humans do that sometimes, its taking the easy way out basically.. it takes so much risk and effort and energy and even courage to change your life and career dramatically. will you make it? will you not? addeh 3alam 7ayeshmato feek if you dint! not to mention the monetary burden of not being in the same lifestyle level you’re used to (not to mention the people you support financially – i.e. parents or kids)

i feel like i have reached that midlife crisis stage, but im not a man, and im not middle aged, and my crisis doesnt involve cheating or buying a cherry red car! i just think the time is right now. not next year or the one after. now.

the psychology of deception is an interesting study, especially that of self-deception..

mask

deception by general defenition is the act of convincing another to believe information that is not true, or not the whole truth. (brought to you by Wiki).  (personally i believe hiding facts is just as horrible and hurtful as lying). Self-deception  is the process or act of misleading ourselves to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid, self-deception in short is the way we justify false beliefs to ourselves!

Psychologists usually focus on unconscious motivations and intentions when discussing self-deception, they also usually consider it as a bad thing, although its sometimes used as a self guarding mechanism one uses to avoid getting hurt/broken/shocked. we do it all the time. yes we do. i might even exaggerate and claim its an instinctive act at times! but dont quote me on it : D

In relationships, self-deception sometimes helps couples see the best in each other, to a certain extent, relationships could not survive without some level of self-deception, but too much optimism or denial, can be just as costly. The trick is to engage in self-deception in order to see the best in a partner without letting self-deception create too much vulnerability.  In relationships, it can create more harm than good when it limits people from seeing important warning signs, or it leads people to overlook serious problems, or it causes people to put the best spin on everything that happens.  & frankly thats why i personally dont believe in traditional marriages. as everyone wears a mask and partners use self deception to make the suiter look better in their eyes in order to make it happen and rid themselves of society’s pressures. (which in my very humble opinion, is no valid reason to get married!).

 is there a point of this post? not really, just some psychobabble.  every day life brings thoughts and the psychologist in me keeps analyzing people non-stop!

randomness

Posted: February 17, 2009 in people, thoughts

* hypocrites must be, in addition to liars, my most loathed category of society. i dont understand how can one think something, and do another. or be nice to someone in the face, and then take their chance at bashing/offending them behind their backs, in the case im referring to, it was deliberate, & right infront of me, but in a concealed manner.. as in, using an Alias!  you know yourself. and i dont know how you even began to think i would be so oblivious. im no idiot.

* actually yeah, thats all i wanned to blurt out today!

everything else is variable..  i completely agree with that proverb.

everyone changes at some point, i believe it happens at least once every 5 years of ones life, some change occurs in preferences, taste, degree of stubbornness, some qualities mellow out, others become more intense.. even if it was a very small change, it happens, personally, some things i liked 5 years ago don’t quite matter to me now..

so when you realize that your partner/spouse is changing.. in ways you did not see/expect, what do you do? do you immediately run away? do you doubt the foundation of your relationship? does it make you evaluate your current partner’s personality as a separate one from the initial personality you knew him/her with? i guess what I’m trying to ask is: would change eventually lead to an end?

one cant always be certain of everything, however, in relationships, i reckon its more of a leap of faith! you’re not certain of how things will go, but you have almost utmost faith in your better half.. or at least that’s what the idealist in me thinks.. i believe love will conquer all.. yeah yeah i know, wishfull thinking, foolish optimist, etc etc.. but that’s what i believe.. love should be the foundation, the base, the essence. and it should be the reason for eventual acceptance, and a partner’s accomodation to those changes. also, i find talking helps, there should be clear communication between a couple to figure out what is the reason behind any change, especially if that change is dramatic. coz i dont think anyone wakes up to realize something has changed! its a process, and stages, and unless the couple communicates properly, it will go unnoticed until it hits you one day and you find yourself in a rut!

the scary part is not knowing how to take a leap of faith anymore..

crash and burn..

Posted: November 23, 2008 in bla bla bla, feelings, inside out, life, random, thoughts

hope

sometimes.. you plan something unintentionally.. its not like you plan it on paper and figure out all its details, just something you want to happen.. sometime in the future in a way or another.. you’re just taking it a day at a time.. all signs are positive.. everything seems to be heading that way.. then something happened.. life happened. and life is a hoe.

so what is one to do when one’s plans come crashing down? one cant give up! coz i believe that winners never quit, and quitters never win. but how do you go on with your life when something that has taken a huge part of your time, effort, emotions, money and years, just doesnt seem to be coming together into reality anymore!?

im a strong person, who has a lot of faith in myself and in God and in fate and karma, and all things spiritual, i believe that some factors of life are out of our control, and the remaining most, is usually in our hands. i’ve never lacked patience… yet i find myself hopeless now. and i hate that feeling!

looking at my last post, i think im coming across as a whiner!! but for those who know me in person, and they are very few.. you know im not. i just have more on my plate than ever before.. apologies to the readers (if any)! lol

Fatal..

Posted: November 19, 2008 in life, ma7alli, news, people, thoughts

this morbidly obese economy is experiencing a minor heart attack.. or is it a major one?

what bothers me most, besides that our jobs are at stake and everything is so uncertain. is that no one wants to tell you what’s going on honestly & clearly! either the decision makers in Dubai are in complete oblivion of what the risks and consequences are, or they just want to calm the panicked masses. either way, its not calming anyone. its only adding to the stress..

hiring is frozen, hundreds of thousands of jobs are hanging by a very thin line, loans, mortgages, cars, cards, expenses, installments, rents! it is said that when a person is in a near death situation their whole life flashes infront of their eyes.. so when a job is about to expire, all the bills of one’s life flash before them too!!

BO

Posted: November 5, 2008 in damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

no not Body Odor! 😀

President Obama, first black president in the white house.

will we finally see shades of gray?

3 & 4

Posted: November 3, 2008 in damdoumization, people, random, relationships, thoughts

4 words a man never wants to hear: “we need to talk”
since usually they’re followed up by 4 words he knows he will hear: “this is not working!”

3 words a woman fears to ask: “what are we”
since she will probably hear the next 3 words: “nothing but friends” (or in some scenarios “friends with benefits”)

and the funny thing is that the 4 letter word that women long for is “love” while the 3 letter word most guys look for is “sex”.. and interesting enough (or at least for me!) in arabic man is a 3 letter word, and woman is a 4 letter word!

Neutral November

Posted: November 2, 2008 in feelings, life, thoughts

neither sweet, nor bitter, a bit of both : )

الذكرى المشؤومة لوعد بلفور

sad memories of great people (4 year memorial today. may he rest in peace)

warm memories of the start of my journey with spirituality..

sweet memories of reuniting : )

* i am somehow convinced that selfishness and selflessness are both really bad qualities.. i even tend to believe selflessness is worse! with selfishness, you at least get what you want, you might hurt people along the way, or lose some, but still, your goals are achieved, your possessions are ‘possessed’, and your wants and needs are actually fulfilled, besides the fact that you’re all alone coz noone will stand that attitude… but you wont even notice it! coz you’re so self centered. however, when you’re selfless, its so energy draining, and psychologically tormenting! You do everything for the good of others, involuntarily, even if you would like to say no, something inside (the inner stupid person) says yes. you end up without doing much on your personal goals, over extending yourself for others will drain you emotionally and physically, most of it will go unappreciated so you will feel frustration, mostly innate, and one day you wake up resenting youself to the max!!! and then starts the psychological torment, you start detesting yourself for being the weak person that you are.. you dont lose people or hurt them like the selfish ones do, but you lose your self love.. which is worse and harder to handle..

* why on earth do some people have to say ‘thats so funny’ instead of, erm, actually laughing at something/ incident/someone!!! it doesnt make sense announcing it without laughing! eft!

* black does NOT look good on everyone! 

* its kinda sad when you reach mid/late twenties, and you know so little about your religion..

* middle class doesnt exist IMHO, its either rich, or poor, even in the holy books, there was never a mention of middle class! and its true.. If a financial crisis hits an individual, 75% of individuals will be considered poor, or get really close to becoming poor. the remaining 25% are either very poor, or very rich to not feel the crisis.

freaky friday!!

Posted: October 12, 2008 in damdoumization, i wanna know, random, thoughts

halloween is around the corner, well not quite the corner! but every year around this time i wish i can trade lives with someone else! just for a day.. a change of scenery, a diff set of fears and dreams, just living in someone else’s shoes for a day.. why cant we wear a costume and actually instantly transform into that character for that night?

if you were to trade lives for halloween, who would you chose?

i’d chose to be a fairy, or angelina jolie 👿