Archive for the ‘psychobabble’ Category

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

(WARNING: long psychobabble post ahead, purely my theories and mumbles)

Isnt it funny how high school behaviour patterns and paradigms continue into adulthood and into the office environment? I think most people fully evolve by the age of 16 (child psychology suggests personality starts becoming consistent starting at the age of 5) I think by the time we are at the not-so-sweet 16 stage, most of us keep that personality going..

lemme break them down for you, the way I see them:

The “cool” crowd:

Usually the jocks and cheerleaders of any school. Good looking guys with no substance, no common/general knowledge, not the highest IQ, can be found on the weekend participating in beer pong and block parties, or any activity/event involving alcohol. Loads of it! Generally hanging around and hitting on cheerleaders!

Cheerleaders, usually the girl version of the jock. Stunning, small framed, never had a bad hair day in their lives, mean as hell and like the jocks, not very bright. They move in packs, dont socialize except with one another and of course the jocks.

These usually become the IQ challenged people in the office who get paid a lot just for looking good and knowing the ‘right’ people. PR/Media/Mass communication interests the majority of this segment the most.. Or of course, they could become politicians. They’re popular for no reason anyway.

The Nerds:

Not necessarily the most intelligent or valedictorian material. However, they’re introverts who stay indoors playing video games instead of partying at highschool! Poor dress sence, poor social skills, sporting glasses or braces, or both! Get picked on by the Jocks, and dreaming of getting with the cheerleaders!

They usually become that over diligent employee who almost never attends the company events and gets labeled as anti-social. Or end up the gadget masters and IT crowd.

The Skaters:

Always missing class, always high on mary js and drugs in the pill form, idolize Bob Marley, long haired, free spirites, always in sporty outfits, skateboarding/rollerblading everywhere.. the sun is always up in their skies and its always summer in their heads. Vocabulary consists of “dude” and “stoked”.

Well, you at least have one of them in the office! Dress down thursday is everyday for them, most laid back employee in the office. Loves to talk and might end up in a call center, doing outdoor sales, or pick up a job in logistics and package delivery. I like to think that musicians, DJs and radio presenters fall in this category too.

The Rocker Punks:

Intelligent, do fairly well with grades, develop a devil-may-care attitude, have a good voice and sing along to all the hardcore rock and alternative/grunge music they listen to. They usually despise the jocks and cheerleaders for their frivolity and stupidity. Usually are dressed in darker colours and form fitting clothes, and party sensibly over the weekend. They’re drawn more to artistic events and concerts.

Those are the desirable guys and girls of the office. Dark and broody. get their job done efficiently and quietly, they work best solo. can succeed in any field so no specific one suggested. However, they usualy are leaders not just managers. Also, they tend to enjoy creative thinking and brainstorming for new ideas. Could also work well as Psychologists and surgeons.

The Fly on The Wall:

The quiet kid. Not a nerd. Not emo. Not common mainstream kid. Just quiet. They keep to themselves, eat lunch alone (or with a book), they have a wild imagination as they create a whole world for themselves. Uninvited to any parties. Unnoticed in the halls. Unmissed after graduation. Its like they never existed!

I have a mixed theory for this type. They are either the ones who end up going postal! They work quietly, unnoticed and invisible. Like that quiet back office filing girl? or the office scapegoat who one day will flip and go mental, or postal. OR they end up being the silent geniuses: writers, movie producers, psychics and clairvoyants.

The Bullies:

Very self explanatory!

I see these becoming critics. Analysts. Competetive stock traders and realters.

The Wannabes:

This group wants to be one of the previous groups (except the fly on the wall, no one notices those to wanna be them!)

IMHO these end up the moles to the senior management, the ones who love office gossip, and usually start it. Hackers. Frauds. and identity thieves.

Of course these are my personal theories and thoughts, I am not generalizing, or stating them as facts. and please, share any categories you might have : )

no its not a quiz post.

i tend to see the word as ‘judge’ & ‘mental’ to tell you the truth! i dont think i was ever that judgemental, except when i was younger maybe, i had my few moments. however, the longer my journey goes is in this life, the more relaxed and laid back i have become, and the less judgemental i ended up. almost reaching zero judgementalitis (yes, in the infection form).

I am not sure how we become judgemental to be honest, but i always thought it was an environmentally acquired trait. if one is raised in a stereotyping community, one might get more accustomed to the idea of labeling others.. of course there are exceptions, who wouldn’t get affected by the people around them, rather build their own persona and own method of thought. I am not sure if it has to do with how religious we are either, but an old discussion with an ex colleague and a forever best friend brought it up, she believes that if one has faith in God being the ultimate judge of our actions and behavior, then one will never override God’s ‘authority’. Maybe some form of judgement is ok to have? to help in self valuation and self advancement? I dont know.

The judgement that i do not approve of however is the mechanism that we use to create and perpetuate separation, segregation, negativity and limitation for ourselves and from others. and sometimes. make ourselves appear better in our own eyes than others,  you know, putting others down to bring yourself up. which makes the second way of becoming judgemental in my books; good old fashioned low self esteem and total laziness to improve oneself, so one choses the easy way out!

After a lot of thought, i have concluded that understanding the following is the easiest and fastest way people can become less judgemental:

  1. understanding that REAL confidence, is purely self created!
  2. understanding that you are in no way superior to anyone for any reason.
  3. understanding that making a negative judgement about another person is always a reflection of who you are, not of who they are.

the end! 😀

the psychology of deception is an interesting study, especially that of self-deception..

mask

deception by general defenition is the act of convincing another to believe information that is not true, or not the whole truth. (brought to you by Wiki).  (personally i believe hiding facts is just as horrible and hurtful as lying). Self-deception  is the process or act of misleading ourselves to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid, self-deception in short is the way we justify false beliefs to ourselves!

Psychologists usually focus on unconscious motivations and intentions when discussing self-deception, they also usually consider it as a bad thing, although its sometimes used as a self guarding mechanism one uses to avoid getting hurt/broken/shocked. we do it all the time. yes we do. i might even exaggerate and claim its an instinctive act at times! but dont quote me on it : D

In relationships, self-deception sometimes helps couples see the best in each other, to a certain extent, relationships could not survive without some level of self-deception, but too much optimism or denial, can be just as costly. The trick is to engage in self-deception in order to see the best in a partner without letting self-deception create too much vulnerability.  In relationships, it can create more harm than good when it limits people from seeing important warning signs, or it leads people to overlook serious problems, or it causes people to put the best spin on everything that happens.  & frankly thats why i personally dont believe in traditional marriages. as everyone wears a mask and partners use self deception to make the suiter look better in their eyes in order to make it happen and rid themselves of society’s pressures. (which in my very humble opinion, is no valid reason to get married!).

 is there a point of this post? not really, just some psychobabble.  every day life brings thoughts and the psychologist in me keeps analyzing people non-stop!

Quote of the day

Posted: November 9, 2008 in psychobabble, quote
Conceit is God’s gift to little men.
– Bruce Barton

and he cudnt be more true!

as opposed to common belief, good girls DONT always love bad boys, but MOST of them get attracted to one (at the very least) in their lifetime.

why i hear you ask?

i have noticed, after a lot of observation, that the unfortunate truth about women is that they are stupid enough to think they can change men, of course the bigger challenge is changing a bad boy! also, usually we, as humans, innately tend to defy our parents in everything we do, hence, going out with the one boy your mom will always warn you about presents itself as one of the biggest congenital habits, should you be expected to the miss goody-two-shoes by your parents and society. we are born with a passion to be unique, and being predictable is, to some, the worst thing that can happen!

i like to think that the idea of a bad boy (or girl) is exciting because of our curious nature as humans. we love to analyze one another, dissect each other’s personalities and  we love to explore, we thrive for adventure! and what better way to explore than by being in a totally different comfort zone, a bad zone! for a good girl who just wants out, a short lived relationship with the total opposite of her persona DOES sound ideal, but on the long run, i personally think they both will realize that it wont work, and if it would, they both will change and compromise, eventually.

and since 8 is my ultimate favorite number, here is one of my favorite posts! im in love with my writings, arnt i humble 😀

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 eyes. my favorite part of the human anatomy.

i absolutely adore expressive eyes that can speak a thousand words with just one look.. peircing eyes.. bold and fun.. im usually very attracted to black/brown eyes, dont enjoy gazing at colored eyes.. i’ll say its prolly coz opposites attract :-/


psychologists say that the color does have an impact on ppl, and have categorized (or generalized) the following:

Brown Eyes: cares deeply for family, affectionate with a serious nature
Light Blue Eyes: Peaceful with low physical endurance.
Hazel Eyes: Easily bored and mentally agile.
Deep Blue Eyes: spiritual, intense computer loverz!
Green Eyes: curious, intelligent, jealous.
Blue/grey Eyes: humanitarian with a peaceful nature.
Grey Eyes: analytical, clear thinking, philosiphical.

personally, i always believed that brown eyes are the most passionate and goal oriented ppl. blue eyes r emotionless and cold. but deep blue eyes are deep and captivating. green eyed folks are cheeky and fun loving ppl. and grey eyed ppl are unique and spiritual. but thats just me! but no matter what the color is, i think beautiful eyes are nothing without attitude, they wud be empty in fact!


do u think that u can have a certain judgement just by looking into someone’s eyes? do u really believe that u can tell if someone is lying or being truthful from the look in their eyes? do some eyes intimidate u?

i personally think that eyes are like seasons, i know, insane theory to categorize ppl into only 4 classifications.. but here it goes..

 

fall: mature, calm, dreamy, realistic yet hopeful, spiritual in their own way. academic and enjoy reading, have a paternal/maternal gaze. comforting and gr8 confidants. trustworhy and very loving. i associate those with somehow small brown eyes, or deep blue… (horses eyes)

 

winter: like a storm, they’re strong & powerful! these ppl demand respect, have a strong presence and a certain aura.. quiet yet very attractive.. warm and passionate. possessive. they usually are long-term bachelors, coz they need someone to move them! someone who can get them with so little effort and talk.. i imagine them bold big eyes, brown or green.. (tiger eyes) (my fave type by far)

 

summer: might come across as aloof, but they’re just timid loners. conservative. single minded and resist change. enjoy a certain routine and order to their life.. they r in full control of their emotions, and usually dont show any passion or excitement.. these ppl love their solitude and work individually more than in a group.. i associate summer eyes with light blue eyes or hazel, narrow and close set. (fox eyes)

 

spring: bright, hyper, very balanced with a time for work and a time for play. polite and respectful. enjoy nature and love sports. their eyes glow when they laff, and close a little.. friendly and welcoming. i associate them with wide blue/green eyes, grey/green eyes, or hazel/green eyes.. (dogs eyes)

 

& thanks for reading!

* life is hard, man! we watch too many movies and listen to too many songs and read too many books to convince ourselves that happy endings and fairytales are possible, but in reality, life is fairly hard! things dont happen like we want them to, or expect them to, or even as they’re supposed to after a series of events and pursuances! there is always a way things can be messed up, and it usually DOES happen. i am not being pessemistic here, but i guess i have had enough time being the optimistic fool that i am…

* i truly believe every human has one form or another of a psychological illness/abnormality/disorder.  also i always believed that people are schizophrenic by nature. since we have a ‘heart’ and a ‘mind’ and usually they’re on different frequencies.. unless one of them is more dominant than the other, EVERYONE has at least a pair of disorders!

* its amazing how people come into our lives and bring a little of their karma with them.. im sure u have met at least one person who brought you a bit of good luck in a moment in time, i believe like attracts like, and people are contageous.. if your disposition is happy, it will rub off on the people in your small and even big circle.. if your mood is often blue and negative you will somehow pass it on to the people around you.. whether you want to or not.. people are but bottles of colors! you bring your blue and the person next to you brings their red, and you both will end up with a little bit of purple..

* for every action there is indeed a reaction..! the intensity of it however depends on how deep the psychological disorders of the person are!

-ve vs +ve

Posted: April 20, 2008 in psychobabble, quote, thoughts

…why is it that we obsess with negativity more than positivity?

Being good is boring but turning bad into good will always remain the greatest challenge of our life! We are fascinated by evil, by negativity! Look at literature, the most unforgettable characters are those that personified evil – Macbeth, Heathcliff, Ebenezer.. Perhaps we remember them because in the end they were redeemed…Maybe.. I tend to think that dwelling on and thinking of and fearing  the negative just contributes to its power..

Negativity’s main component is anger i reckon.. and with that said, i leave you with a beautiful and very accurate ‘Quote of the day’ by Clarendon:

– Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.

how hetero is metro?!

Posted: February 26, 2008 in i wanna know, men, psychobabble

Metrosexual is a neologism generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and who display many of the lifestyle tendencies of stereotypically homosexual men. – Definition courtesy of Wiki

Polls

selfishness..

traffic wud be resolved with a little less selfishness, ppl driving into the start of a lane and push them cars in cutting in on everybody like they r too refined to wait like everyne else.. others cant bear the thought of giving way to another car, both get selfish and hot tempered, poof! fender bender, and a whole street gets locked coz of traffic! who cares bout other ppl waiting to get to their destinations..

poverty wud be somewhat less if retailers werent greedy and selfish, and if the wealthy actually gave some of their money to charities and/or funds to help the less fortunate cope with the rising cost of living..

mother nature wud be more grateful if selfish contractors wudnt ruin its beauty for construction of office towers and industrial cities and so on so forth..

a lot of ppl wud be healthier if selfish ppl thought of others for a change! second-hand smoking? hello! u wanna poison ur body, do it alone! what bout selfish ppl who care not to get tested and/or dont bother to be safe and end up passing STDs and HIV here and there?

hurt and pain wud be somewhat eliminated.. thus minimizing the psychological disorders our society suffers from! if a selfish mum/dad took care of her/his kids and household more, kids wud be raised better with a healthier personality.. not to mention a selfish partner ruins the idea of love to their partner shud they decide they want out of this relationship.. a lot of examples here, im just naming a few..

if there’s anything i hate more than liars, its selfish and greedy souls. no scratch that, they prolly dont have souls!!

الضمير المستتر

Posted: February 11, 2008 in people, psychobabble, thoughts

Conscience is an ability or sense that distinguishes whether our actions r right or wrong. It is also the attitude which informs our moral judgment before performing any action.

Freud regarded conscience as originating in the superego, which takes its cue from our parents during childhood. According to Freud, the consequence of not obeying our conscience is “guilt” which can be a factor in the development of neurosis. Your conscience is a societal construction which keeps you operating under the social ideology through the negative-feedback system of guilt…. and im sure freud dint mean ‘it takes its cue from our parents during childhood’ as a default state.. since immoral ppl can raise very ethical children and vice versa..

conscience and guilt r almost always inseperable; when spoken of one u mention the other involuntarely.. and even tho both are intangible, somehow unmeasurable feelings/sensations, yet conscience is the most difficult to maintain, and guilt is the most haunting..

The human animal has a set of instincts and drives which enable him to form/interact in societies.. groups of humans without these drives, or in whom they r insufficiently strong, cannot form cohesive societies and do not reproduce their kind as successfully as those that do. They either cannot survive in nature, or r defeated in conflict with other, more cohesive groups.

i like to think the conflict is rather within!

warning: long psychobabble post ahead!

Insecurity

that demon within.. crawling under our skins.. the hungry beast longing for the last bit of confidence and self esteem we have left..

the term in psychology is defined as a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless.. an insecure person lacks confidence in their own value and capability, trust in themselves AND others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by “going wrong” in future..

insecurity has many effects in a person’s life, and it has several levels, starting off with shyness, social withdrawal, even paranoia, sometimes it takes a more agressive form like arrogance, and bullying.. but it nearly always ends up with some degree of isolation..

ppl are not born insecure, it is a learned behaviour.

it often stems from childhood.. and then grows in layer fashion.. and then robs us slowly but surely of self esteem and any social life we might have.. and ruins most relationships.. mostly our relationship with ourselves.. thankfully, insecurity can be overcome, but it takes a lot of strength, willingness to develop, and belief in oneself and others to overcome it..

insecurity is the worse thing to ever hit us. believe me i know. its self destructive and devours our best qualities and best years… we shud learn how to be secure and safe in our own skin. learn to love ourselves. learn to believe that God created us in the best way possible and that He loves us enuf to have created us human and whole..
end of transmission..
i found a (what i thought was) very interesting study by Psychiatrist Dr.Frank Caprio reveals our personalities through the way we undress! read on and tell me if it you find it fits:

.*.HAPHAZARD UNDRESS.*.If you throw your clothes all over the house , you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with the thoughts and opinions, not caring much about the others think of you ..

*.METICULOUS UNDRESS.*.If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes life very clam. You are comfortable with routine, and you believe that the best way to deal with life’s problem is to prevent them in first place ..

*.SHOES AND SOCKS FIRST UNDRESS.*.If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you extremely selfconfident, intellectual, a deep thinker, and don’t like to be hassled. Usually you like alot of free time for yourself ..

*.SLOW UNDRESS.*.You are perfectionist, very shy, observant, dependable, intense, and think before making decisions. You go about you tasks methodically, with conectration. You know how to pay attention ..

*.FAST UNDRESS .*.If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you’re worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy ..

*.JEWELRY OFF FIRST UNDRESS.*.If you take off your rings, watch, etc., before anything else, you are warm, thoughful, sensitive, and romantic.

*.NEVER THE SAME WAY UNDRESS.*.If you never do it the same way twice, you a very curious, interesting person, and you enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure.