inside out

Posted: March 12, 2011 in bittersweet, damdoumization, feelings, inside out, sad me, thoughts

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.


I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

  1. Marvin says:

    As long as you always try to act with love in your heart, then the rest will take care of itself. You can only do the best you can, and not beat yourself up if it’s not enough for someone else.

  2. KJ says:

    I think I know what you’re talking about. I get “jealous” as well when I see someone being a better friend than I am. But this is a good type of jealousy because there is always room for improvement.

    You’re being a bit too hard on yourself. Don’t take this as a negative feeling at all.

    • Verbal Alchemy says:

      exactly, i wanna improve. but i sometimes dont go through the process easily. then again, no one said soul searching and self improvement are easy.

      i know i am, i always am. thanks for the 0.02$ Kinan 🙂

  3. Yah, you can’t make everyone happy. I had a tough time learning that. Basically I never promise anyone anything. I smile and commiserate with them, but I don’t say I’ll do anything one way or the other. And if I do, and then someone else says “do something different,” I tell them very firmly that I can’t, I have already committed to doing X.

    And I know there are many people who are better at relationships than me. I don’t chastise myself about it. I’m good at other things that few people are good at. It all balances out.

    I hope you’re doing better today.

    • Verbal Alchemy says:

      i never promise. coz unlike many ppl, i like to keep my promises. so unless i know that i will keep it, i tend to never promise. i just work really hard on making things happen, coz i think talk is cheap, words are of no value really, its all about actions.

      relationships matter to me more than anything, my friends are my family, some are even closer than family…

      thanks Marv, i am 🙂 hope ur well too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s