You know what, Hollywood has been playing with our heads for so long, most of us are delusional with the idea of the ‘perfect love story’, ‘true love’, ‘soulmates’.. I admit i was delusional too..

Love isnt seamless and easy and sweet all the time, movies dont show what happens next after the big proposal, or the big gestures, or the loving kisses and cuddles. the ‘happy ever afters’ dont quite exist. Instead, cheating, deceiving, lying, and heartache happen in the long run/ in the real world. People meet and part. I have realized – the hard way – that everything in life is temporary. everything. money, health, happiness, sorrow, love, friendship. everything. 

it seems some people love the easy way out. most people wont fight for love. wont stand up for what they believe is right. wont put effort to make relationships work. one of my close male friends once told me that if a guy wants something/someone, there is nothing/noone that will stop him. then why is it that all i see around me are guys who have been either too lazy or too proud to go after the woman that they love. Just because something is hard/needs work doesnt mean that you give up at the first obstacle and convince yourself it wasnt meant to be.

Man is a lazy creature.

Man is garfield.  

The main reason why women don’t like mama’s boys is because competing with the woman who gave birth to him just isn’t an option. For me, it is primarily because I do not see any ‘alpha male’ quality anymore. And I need to respect my man, knowing he can stand up for himself and for me when and if needed.

Knowing that he cares about his parents and is sensitive towards his mother is nice, it adds a soft side to a man’s character and image. However, being a hand puppet for his mommy, is not only a turn off, but it is a sure way to ruin his and his partner’s lives.

enough said.

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

say no to NYR!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

you are what you eat

Posted: January 21, 2011 in no comment, observations, people, rant

you are what you drive. you are where you live. tell me who your friends are, i’ll tell you who you are. etc etc.

why is this constant need to analyze people by their possessions/ food intake/ company/ cars/ brands, and all other things we do/own/ people we associate with. what is the need to label and judge and dissect. why cant we take people for what they are? accept them and not over analyze? does judging other people make us feel better about ourselves? coz we’re not focusing on our own downfalls? seriously, people are both fascinating and mindboggling.

stuff that grind my gears. short venting post.

new year!

Posted: January 3, 2011 in bittersweet, bla bla bla, random, thoughts

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHERE THE TIME HAS GONE! I absolutely can’t believe I turned 30 in December. I left my twenties behind. 10 years of my life. ZERO accomplishment. well not zero per se, but so many things I thought were something, turned out to be mere nothings, and so many things I wanted to do and accomplish but never got around to doing, because I was preoccupied with the nothings that I thought were somethings…

That is why, I am determined to  make 2011 the best year ever! I have a plan. I finally have a plan. I did not plan anything since I graduated uni, at 20 incidently, never saw them through. and then vowed not to make any plans so I won’t get disappointed. That kinda spells out failure really… To fear disappointment… it’s like inviting it. anticipating it. expecting it. This time I won’t expect anything. I will just work at it. and with God’s grace. get where I want.

so many things happened lately. 2010 was definitely better than 2009, but it wasn’t ideal, nor stressfree, nor even pleasant. except for the end of it, it ended on a good note thank God. Sometimes, things ending gives way to things beginning.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful year! Live to the fullest, love unconditionally, and let go of all negativity.

As I havent slept all night, I eventually gave in to the chronic insomnia and got up to entertain myself with a movie. Valentine’s Day, check. Prince of Persia, check. few other generic tv movies, check! this morning another tv rerun. Devil Wears Prada. and you know what, Miranda is the closest thing to my boss.

Dragon Lady. cruel ice queen. What happens to women who want to succeed? I understand it’s a man’s world, and women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves in the workplace… because God forbid this woman in charge shows her real personality which might include a touch of kindness or maybe being a little emotional towards things! God forbid people see her as a woman. She would be walked all over and crushed by her male peers. Had she been a man, being cruel and demanding, no one would notice a difference, no body would say “oh the devil!” they would only notice how good he is at his job. But a woman, being that fierce, will always be judged.

But the sad part is, these women tend to trade in their personal lives for their true dedication to their job and their adament will to succeed at their careers and moving them forward. Most men would not allow their wives to be more successful than them, or come home late in the name of duty. My boss is approaching 50, looks very young for her age actually not a day over 40, only married for 3 years when she was 42, I guess she got used to being single as it meant no commitments were there, and she would engulf herself better with the job she loves more than life itself.

I dont see why a woman can’t have it all. family, work, leisure, fun, ‘me time’? I’ve seen it happen! not so far from me actually, mom was a very successful Audit Manager, she only left work when she hit 50 or 52, yes it can get a little crazy and energy draining, but she loved it, and still managed to have it all. Juggling both personal and professional lives needs practice I reckon, and needs a person willing to make it work, if you believe it, you will be it. I know corny. But it is my honest opinion.