Archive for the ‘bla bla bla’ Category

say no to NYR!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

new year!

Posted: January 3, 2011 in bittersweet, bla bla bla, random, thoughts

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHERE THE TIME HAS GONE! I absolutely can’t believe I turned 30 in December. I left my twenties behind. 10 years of my life. ZERO accomplishment. well not zero per se, but so many things I thought were something, turned out to be mere nothings, and so many things I wanted to do and accomplish but never got around to doing, because I was preoccupied with the nothings that I thought were somethings…

That is why, I am determined to  make 2011 the best year ever! I have a plan. I finally have a plan. I did not plan anything since I graduated uni, at 20 incidently, never saw them through. and then vowed not to make any plans so I won’t get disappointed. That kinda spells out failure really… To fear disappointment… it’s like inviting it. anticipating it. expecting it. This time I won’t expect anything. I will just work at it. and with God’s grace. get where I want.

so many things happened lately. 2010 was definitely better than 2009, but it wasn’t ideal, nor stressfree, nor even pleasant. except for the end of it, it ended on a good note thank God. Sometimes, things ending gives way to things beginning.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful year! Live to the fullest, love unconditionally, and let go of all negativity.

As I havent slept all night, I eventually gave in to the chronic insomnia and got up to entertain myself with a movie. Valentine’s Day, check. Prince of Persia, check. few other generic tv movies, check! this morning another tv rerun. Devil Wears Prada. and you know what, Miranda is the closest thing to my boss.

Dragon Lady. cruel ice queen. What happens to women who want to succeed? I understand it’s a man’s world, and women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves in the workplace… because God forbid this woman in charge shows her real personality which might include a touch of kindness or maybe being a little emotional towards things! God forbid people see her as a woman. She would be walked all over and crushed by her male peers. Had she been a man, being cruel and demanding, no one would notice a difference, no body would say “oh the devil!” they would only notice how good he is at his job. But a woman, being that fierce, will always be judged.

But the sad part is, these women tend to trade in their personal lives for their true dedication to their job and their adament will to succeed at their careers and moving them forward. Most men would not allow their wives to be more successful than them, or come home late in the name of duty. My boss is approaching 50, looks very young for her age actually not a day over 40, only married for 3 years when she was 42, I guess she got used to being single as it meant no commitments were there, and she would engulf herself better with the job she loves more than life itself.

I dont see why a woman can’t have it all. family, work, leisure, fun, ‘me time’? I’ve seen it happen! not so far from me actually, mom was a very successful Audit Manager, she only left work when she hit 50 or 52, yes it can get a little crazy and energy draining, but she loved it, and still managed to have it all. Juggling both personal and professional lives needs practice I reckon, and needs a person willing to make it work, if you believe it, you will be it. I know corny. But it is my honest opinion.

 

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

10. nothing
9. nothing
8. nothing
.
.
.
you see where im going with this i presume..

I probably stopped planning since i was 20, i had just graduated from uni, had a 5 year plan ahead of me, my eyes on the prize as they say, and bam! my world changes drastically, and my plans fall to the flat cold ground.

I could have gotten really discouraged and depressed, oh well, I DID get discouraged and depressed! for a while though, i then decided that every day should be taken in as it comes. dont plan ahead so specifically. have a “big picture’ approach; a major goal you want, but dont limit yourself with the road to get there. Life isnt predictable (sadly and thankfully!) and you need to not beat yourself up when plans dont go as, erm, planned!

So whats my ultimate goal? I kinda lost touch with it unfortunately. I am in the ‘reassessing my life’  stage.

* I hate being sick, and non-winter flu is the worst! and funny thing is, no one seems to ask about you when you’re sick. its like *officer down! ok, we got 5364291 other friends to go out with* jeez people.. on a serious note. I hate fevers! i can tolerate any pain, except the ones in my face.

* man is a strange being by all means. its funny how one can love, but not need their loved one. or at least not as much as one needed them at the very beginning of their relationship. so which one is it? “out of sight, out of mind” or “distance makes the heart grow fonder” ?? i myself am not quite sure which one applies.. however, i believe what some perceive as possessiveness, might merely be fear of losing the one person one felt comfortable and strong for.

* will end this short post with a poem thats been brewing since the morning in my rather exhausted and mushy mind.. I am so tired. I think I got a little delusional today!

Untitled

Your eyes so full of apathy
Your mouth knows not but hurt
Walk away from these demons
And remember thy love filled heart
Walk closer and hold me tight
I need to feel complete
Take my hand and lead the way
I want you to feel my need
Had you been in my place
I would not think or hesitate
I would catch you if you fall
Would want to be there if  you brake
I want to be the one you breathe
I want to be your all…

The Power of Suggestion!

Posted: April 7, 2010 in bla bla bla, random

its so amazing how one little line across the web will cause panic everywhere in the world with access to the internet. I especially remember this little episode while stating my thought about an event that happened today.. obviously involving spreading a little nasty false fact online!

I think those two would make a great couple!! They can even share makeup!

my beloved MM :smiley lovey dovey:

and the quirky lady gaga!

its a fine day!

Posted: March 3, 2010 in bla bla bla, random

you know what fine stands for? it stands for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.

So its no wonder that most people think they will be just fine!

a new year!

Posted: January 9, 2010 in bla bla bla, i wanna know, life, random

usually means new hopes, for me its just a sigh of relief that finally 2009 is over! OMG what a crappy year it was. I havent written in a while, not because something is up, only that life happens sometimes, and I get uninspired and out of time to write anything.. Changes at work, good changes il7amdila (thank God) and house hunting as I plan to move into another house closer to work, found a place last week thankfully and should be disappearing again to move in another 2 weeks. Im getting a new boss next week, that is the happy change lol, my ex boss (the horrible one) moved on to another role and finally I do not report to him anymore. New boss is a female boss! also I heard she is a feminist, which is just great as I am one too, she loves empowering the women in her office, so  I am very hopeful. May God make 2010 a blessed year for everyone. I think it just cant get worse than 2009.

I have been hooked on youtube channels lately, I love checking out randomness, but I have been really addicted to a couple of beauty channels.. how girly of me! I just realized that I love makeup! I dont usually sport a caked face, on the contrary, my routine is very natural, but its fascinating how corrective and enhancing products can be. Some people however have the wrong understanding of the basics of applying makeup.. it especially shocks me to see teenagers having more makeup than I do on at 8 am going to school or uni! why? seriously.

I guess people have a distorted image of themselves, even at a young age, everyone wants to be someone else. not many satisfied girls with their looks, and so many try to change these looks in the most dramatic ways. which is sad. I applaud change, and its nice to always have a new do or new ways of wearing makeup but not cover up your initial features to appeal to the outside world. Im pretty sure the outside world is gonna be just fine with the original version of you. people’s self acceptance levels arent very impressive these days. I will not blame the media as everyone does. or at least. i wont blame the media fully. the way we absorb media is not ideal either, as most believe and follow it blindly. You only need to take in what will work for you and not just take in everything, toxic or not.

and on a separate note, my neighbours  have the noisiest kid ever, but I dont mind it much as she’s just a toddler, she doesnt comprehend. however, they bought the most annoying cockatoo bird and placed it on the window’s ledge! which is so adjacent to my window I can actually reach out and suffocate the living hell out of it! But since I am an animals rights activist, I am just thinking of the ways I can release the gate to its cage and just let it roam and fly and tweet its heart out freely, in someone else’s neighbourhood!

I hope you welcomed the new year in a good way, nothing too crazy and wild :-p I did not do anything special really, I am not the partying type.. So it was a quiet night with my sister’s family, her in-laws, and my favorite uncle who is in town for a while.. I do not usually have any resolutions made on new years, as most people, including myself, never come through with any.. however, this year I promised myself a healthier lifestyle.

What were your resolutions this year, if any?

whats with

Posted: December 21, 2009 in bla bla bla, random, shocking, Uncategorized

people and stars in specific dying so young??? (and by young i mean they’re not 60 yet!)

Brittany Murphy this morning, age 32.

Stephen Gateley, age 33.

Chris Henry, age 26 .

Michael Jackson, age 50.

Patrick Swayze, age 57.

Heath Ledger, age 28.

Makes me ponder.

Death is always sad, and I know I shouldn’t think that it’s sadder and unfair because they were too young, but a part of me does think that..

short musings

Posted: December 4, 2009 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, thoughts

* We had a long holiday for Eid and National Day, and i took the 2 days in between off so I can have the week off. I havent had a decent holiday since ever! (ever being December 07) the only days i left for a while were when I went to finish up official paper works after dad passed and to get mom to stay with us. and that was only a short period, spent in official offices in Jordan, and trust me, if you havent been there yourself, its not fun! I am actually dreading going back on Sunday! I do not know what bad karma I am paying for, but I havent had a proper decent boss for a while now. 3 years for crying out loud. what could I have possibly done wrong in this lifetime, or past ones if existed, to deserve this? oh well.. il7amdila (thank God). I just hope I can make an internal transfer to another department, there are a few openings after the bank laid off half the staff! I just hope my current boss doesnt play child of Satan on me and grants me a smooth move. *fingers and toes crossed*

* and here is something i wrote 2 days back, i havent written in a while, but suddenly got inspired.

Toxic Friends..

Waltz was never my favorite dance
Going around in circles, yet still at stance..
Masquerading back and forth with detriment
Repeatedly telling me it’s not entirely meant
Your theory of friendship is so distorted
Making me feel confused and contorted
It’s hard to let go but I cannot stay..
Till you finally realize my worth one day
I wish you let me know what’s on your mind
So I can make a decision and never look behind..

D

randomness

Posted: November 20, 2009 in bla bla bla, movies, music, random

* I know i might sound like a silly teenager for looking forward to the new moon movie, but I am! And no, I am not in any way attracted to any of the characters! actually a few co-workers refer to robert (edward) as shovel face. and I agree, not my cuppa. very flat faced. anyway, I am actually looking forward to the new movie in the saga. further to wanting to watch it, I would like to read the rest of the books. I believe books are more interesting than movie makes of them. and certainly, anything vampire related is bound to become a fave of mine. I dont really know what fascinates me so much with darkness, and blood, and this sadistic instinct with a hint of subliminal violence.. but it does. I mellowed out in the gothic image area, except for the dark eye, but on the inside, i very much am a practicing goth! everything Acheronic is way more interesting than clear, bright, common things/lifestyles. At least in my eyes..

* I always get excited this time of year, seriously December is my favorite month only for the festivity! I love the colours of christmas, the spirit, the tree! this year I am really looking forward to the million holidays in December, thinking of taking 2 days off at some point, dont plan to go anywhere, but just kick back and relax, preferably with a book and a good massage lol. I am developing a cooking craze though, I would love to bake more, one day! I actually suck at baking or making desserts.. unless its cheesecake or cold stuff.. so maybe I can get inspired with the festive season as baked goods are everywhere, and I actually love the idea of giving home baked sweets as gifts.

* They unblocked deviantart! lululululeesh!

* This must be my new fave clip, Shakira ‘Did It Again’ i love the martial art-ish bits.
I like! Oh and the song isnt bad either..

 

music list

Posted: November 8, 2009 in bla bla bla, random, stuff

I am very much into heavy metal, alternative, goth metal, and grotesque (mainly MM), but lately I have been listening to a lot of rnb/hip hop on the radio and some *gulp* pop music!

To my horror, I find myself liking the songs below lately:

1. Rihana – Russian Roulette
2. Sean Paul – Press It Up
3. Guy Manoukian – Shooting Star
4. Wiley – Wearing My Rolex (shockingly grows on you!)
5. Lady Gaga (whose real name is *brace yourself* Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta!) – Bad Romance
6. Pitbull *drool* – Room Service
7. Jay Z + Rihanna – Run This Town
8. Timbaland + Missy Elliot – Get involved
9. Timbaland + Nelly Furtado – Morning After

so its kind of a big change to my usual stuff.. but its ok to listen to sth that doesnt ivolve a lot of hearing impairing loudness and suicidal thoughts.

blehs..

Posted: October 22, 2009 in bla bla bla, ma7alli, random, thoughts

* TGIT! seriously, that was one of the longest weeks in history. well in my (short) history! its funny how happiness/misery sometimes can be a powerful time measurement unit! I wonder about the ancient times, before watches and sand clocks, how did they measure time when they were happy/miserasble? i mean we can say “the hours stretched forever” or ” the minutes wouldnt pass”, how about them? were they aware of the concept of time? or was it only measured by day and night in their heads.. worth googling i reckon! or snuggling in bed tonight with my best friend, the Discovery Channel <3<3<3 

* I thought i was such a good judge of character in the past, and now I am more sure than ever. Since i moved into the new office, i have observed everyone, I tend to take my sweet long time to mingle and make friends as i am a firm believer that there are no friends at work. Everyone will in the end worry bout theirselves. But if someone opens up, i give my two ears to listen! lol. so this girl who sits fairly close to my desk and i have been talking more frequently lately, general stuff, we’re both into astronomy/astrology, books, and jewelry : D but the other day she started telling me the office gossip. And its fascinating that most are just as filthy, and some, just as evil, and others, just as manipulating as i expected them to be. even though i did not engage in any talk with any. it’s not that i impressed myself. but it’s just funny how the human race can sometimes be so predictable.

* over the weekend as I was driving back from my sister’s place, i had to pass through al Quoz road, and to my joy and ultimate happiness, i found a huge traffic tail, as i somehow get clausterphobic, i got out of the car for a minute in the stand still to see what was holding us up. turns out the first car in the tail line was a cab, whose driver was honking frantically loud at two peacocks crossing the road AS IF they would listen or be bothered! its so weird that on al Quoz road you would see more exotic animals than you would at Jumeirah Zoo! i once saw a deer and its fawn crossing, someone was once mentioning they saw a couple of monkeys on that road too, and my boss was telling us the other day that he saw a leopard crossing! can you imagine your state of mind if you see a free wild leopard just crossing the street? I would panic and faint!! It seems there’s some mansion or sheikh’s palace there.

after a long (and boring) training session today.. this was very spot on. Have a good weekend everyone!

my new fave thing!

Posted: October 11, 2009 in bla bla bla, stuff

(warning: girly post ahead)

I am in no way in the business of advertising for any product on my blog, however, i recently purchased an item that i had no faith in, only to change my mind from one day’s use!

I was instantly and pleasantly surprised! I felt the activity in every muscle, and my posture (which isnt bad to start with) was immediately better. Now, it is said that if you wear it regularly even if around the house, you are bound to tone your legs and glutes, and lose up to 4 inches a month from your thighs while banishing cellulite! I’ll give an update a month later, but if you have weak legs, or are a diabetic, or have a knee injury (like myself), bad back, or even arthritus, this flip flop helps ease the pain and improve posture. It might not be the prettiest design, but they’re coming up with new designs like fringed ones and closed fronts.

Im hearting my fitflops ❤ ❤ ❤

لأن لازم افش خلقي!!!

كنت بالاردن الاسبوع اللي فات، للأسف، لأخلص امور من ضمنها حصر الارث و اللذي منو من معاملات رسمية و التي تتطلب التواجد في الدوائر الحكومية… و ما ادراك  ما الدوائر الحكومية! عنجد سموها دوائر لسبب وجيه! بتدوخ و انت بتلفلف لتوصل للي بدكياه

و ما وصلت للي بدياه!

i seriously cannot begin to explain the amount of rage and anger that was brewing in me everytime i had to set foot in any of those places, المخفر، المحكمة، الاراضي، الاحوال الشخصية,  the amount of قله احترام للمراجع and the way they so obviously displayed their nonchalant attitude to the people infront of them, not to mention the SMOKING! انو مش مفروض يكون ممنوع بالمكاتب\المخافر it was insane! i was ready to either kill someone, or just kill myself!

so i decided to come back and do what i have to do through the Embassy/Consulate here in UAE. Eft!

 

A couple of reasons as to why i found it hard to smile even though i live in sharjah…

a) power outages! Last Thursday, as i was driving home in the suffocating traffic between dubai and sharjah, i learn that the traffic is worse due to traffic lights not working in sharjah since there is a major power outage (SEWA needs a huge revamp!) so i quickly called the laundry dude in my building (simply because the watchman was too lazy/sleepy to answer) and asked him if we have electricity in our building! I was devastated with his quick and depressing ‘No’ (i live on the tenth floor!) but had no choice, i was way past the stage where i can make a turn and go back to dubai, to crash my sister’s office iftar party. or just hang out somewhere till iftar time.. thankfully i got home to find the building all lit again : D and did not have to go up 3828467 stairs to go up to a humid home! But other areas of Sharjah did not have any electricity till way later in the evening. I mean what about the families who dont have a car to stay in for a while until the power comes back, or drive somewhere to escape the heat at home! Something has to be done. I just dont quite know what.

b) A sudden tooth ache on Saturday night, eve of Eid, and not a living breathing good doctor/dentist was at their clinic! So had to wait till Tuesday and sustain Eid with a terrible tooth ache and an accompanying migraine. Needless to say, im almost limping coz one side of my head is heavier since my cheek is intensely swollen today, i had a root canal yesterday with the only working dentist in town.  She’s good though, so no regrets there..

Other than that, Eid was ok, busy first day, quiet the next, and the third was just a lazy-at-home day, where i was catching up on domestic chores and what not..

 

Yes, its another ‘fashion dont’ post. and I will post for both genders, dont feel like writing two posts : D

Nail art: if you like art, buy a painting! having all these colours and designs on one of the smallest paintable parts of your body is not flattering. either french it, or stick to one colour.

Mullets: business in the front, party at the back. this look is so 80s, and it should have stayed there!

The male goth look: keep the pale foundation, black eyeshadow, and wine lips for women please. that look has goth to go!

Tiaras: unless you’re the queen of england, or a beauty queen, or natalie portman, refrain from wearing a tiara in public. you can play princess at home. alone.

Oversized bags: like outrageously oversized it would fit an infant. not flattering or fashionable at all.

Top to bottom branded items: a bag is enough, and maybe a pair of shoes. but full on head to toe will only make you look like designer luggage.

Funky coloured leather/suede: if you dont see that colour in nature on some animal then its not the way God intended it to be. You dont see pink cows, why wear a pink suede trouser? with the exception of red leather jackets, everything else is a no!

Satin and lace shirts: fit for the bedroom, and not the boardroom. (no pic, use imagination)

The side swept high ponytail: if you’re over 6 years of age, keep your ponytail behind you.

Mesh tops: need i say more? :la6im:

when priorities shift

Posted: September 17, 2009 in bla bla bla, i wanna know, thoughts

embracing that change is not always easy..

what are your priorities at this stage of your life?

thoughts..

Posted: September 11, 2009 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, dubai, random, thoughts

* i always used to think people were gluttons for happy endings, but with every incident that happens i become more convinced that people (in our part of the world) CRAVE drama, whether its a car accident, a fire, religiously watching a soap opera, a public lovers’ quarrel, or even someone tumbling and falling in the street! we just have to watch it! the psychologist in me suggests its because of wanting to see others in bad situations, a resounding conviction of  ‘life isnt always perfect to others’ it makes one feel better about one’s life in a way..  but still people, go to therapy in Dubai and STOP RUBBERNECKING on the roads! Some of us would like to reach their destinations!

* One of the things i hate bout this city is that there are no theatres, art cinemas, proper museums, and more cultural events worth attending.. I long for a good foreign movie! or a trip to a good museum, that will actually entice me more than Dubai museum of the ‘old’ heritage of this city. i need something more than 40 years old! I hope now that we have a modern metro system, that someone will actually come up with something less expensive and more educational and cultural. Bleh!

* The new office has such a different culture than the old, not that the old one had any definite culture to begin with, but the new place has a more enviting aura. I am not the type who actually believes in office frienships, as most of them are superficial and periodic, once you leave, you’re forgotten. But this office begs to differ. I see a lot of people who enjoy a professional atmosphere but have strong friendships amongst them outside of the office, which is, quite frankly, very refreshing! I’m not sure i will be makng any of those strong friendships, but I am enjoying a healthier environment. Il7amdila.

* and on a final and completely irrelevant note, my thought of the day: ” A divorce paper is one that gives a wife the upper hand, and gives the husband the middle finger! “

* its funny (not funny ha ha) how some people like to ruin things for others when its ruined for them! why dont people just leave others alone?! especially the happier ones.. karma is not be taken lightly people!

* i read this sentence somewhere and ever since i did, its been stuck in the back of my head, resurfacing every once in a while to fuel my insomnia again: “if u have no passion for what u do, u’ll never be really happy“..

i have certainly reached that stage. depressingly so.

i’ve prolly been feeling it for a while but denying it coz we as humans do that sometimes, its taking the easy way out basically.. it takes so much risk and effort and energy and even courage to change your life and career dramatically. will you make it? will you not? addeh 3alam 7ayeshmato feek if you dint! not to mention the monetary burden of not being in the same lifestyle level you’re used to (not to mention the people you support financially – i.e. parents or kids)

i feel like i have reached that midlife crisis stage, but im not a man, and im not middle aged, and my crisis doesnt involve cheating or buying a cherry red car! i just think the time is right now. not next year or the one after. now.

the psychology of deception is an interesting study, especially that of self-deception..

mask

deception by general defenition is the act of convincing another to believe information that is not true, or not the whole truth. (brought to you by Wiki).  (personally i believe hiding facts is just as horrible and hurtful as lying). Self-deception  is the process or act of misleading ourselves to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid, self-deception in short is the way we justify false beliefs to ourselves!

Psychologists usually focus on unconscious motivations and intentions when discussing self-deception, they also usually consider it as a bad thing, although its sometimes used as a self guarding mechanism one uses to avoid getting hurt/broken/shocked. we do it all the time. yes we do. i might even exaggerate and claim its an instinctive act at times! but dont quote me on it : D

In relationships, self-deception sometimes helps couples see the best in each other, to a certain extent, relationships could not survive without some level of self-deception, but too much optimism or denial, can be just as costly. The trick is to engage in self-deception in order to see the best in a partner without letting self-deception create too much vulnerability.  In relationships, it can create more harm than good when it limits people from seeing important warning signs, or it leads people to overlook serious problems, or it causes people to put the best spin on everything that happens.  & frankly thats why i personally dont believe in traditional marriages. as everyone wears a mask and partners use self deception to make the suiter look better in their eyes in order to make it happen and rid themselves of society’s pressures. (which in my very humble opinion, is no valid reason to get married!).

 is there a point of this post? not really, just some psychobabble.  every day life brings thoughts and the psychologist in me keeps analyzing people non-stop!

Lyrics of the day

Posted: January 25, 2009 in bla bla bla, music, random

Premeditation will kill the trust
They’ll never know if you fear me
With every second collecting dust
I feel so bloated and weary

……

 
She’ll cut you down with a single thrust
She’s taken over too quickly
No medication can cure the lust
So say a prayer for the sickly

from my favorite band at the moment, Seether, song called Like Suicide.

bla bla bloo

Posted: December 7, 2008 in bla bla bla, inside out, random, rant, sad me

* what is it bout national day that makes ppl ‘snap’ in this country! the traffic and accidents and ta5mees and burning wheels and face paint and all that crap! its ittihad, not ta7reer!

* as Eid drops by every year, i find myself more detached of every jolly emotion it should bring.. im more convnced that Eid and all other celebrated occasions, are mostly great forkids.. adults lose something as they get older that doesnt make em enjoy these celebrations.. but the wierdest thing is, i love christmas! of course  for the decorations and colors and all that, not for the religious reason behind it.  oh and Kel 3am w ento b5eir.

* why is it that men hate questions so much!? normal questions and innocent inquiries make a man blow up! inno r their brains designed differently!? like to identify any form of query as nagging! eft! i have no idea how we came from that creature’s rib!

* im sick of everything and need a MAJOR change. suggestions!?

crash and burn..

Posted: November 23, 2008 in bla bla bla, feelings, inside out, life, random, thoughts

hope

sometimes.. you plan something unintentionally.. its not like you plan it on paper and figure out all its details, just something you want to happen.. sometime in the future in a way or another.. you’re just taking it a day at a time.. all signs are positive.. everything seems to be heading that way.. then something happened.. life happened. and life is a hoe.

so what is one to do when one’s plans come crashing down? one cant give up! coz i believe that winners never quit, and quitters never win. but how do you go on with your life when something that has taken a huge part of your time, effort, emotions, money and years, just doesnt seem to be coming together into reality anymore!?

im a strong person, who has a lot of faith in myself and in God and in fate and karma, and all things spiritual, i believe that some factors of life are out of our control, and the remaining most, is usually in our hands. i’ve never lacked patience… yet i find myself hopeless now. and i hate that feeling!

looking at my last post, i think im coming across as a whiner!! but for those who know me in person, and they are very few.. you know im not. i just have more on my plate than ever before.. apologies to the readers (if any)! lol

* i am somehow convinced that selfishness and selflessness are both really bad qualities.. i even tend to believe selflessness is worse! with selfishness, you at least get what you want, you might hurt people along the way, or lose some, but still, your goals are achieved, your possessions are ‘possessed’, and your wants and needs are actually fulfilled, besides the fact that you’re all alone coz noone will stand that attitude… but you wont even notice it! coz you’re so self centered. however, when you’re selfless, its so energy draining, and psychologically tormenting! You do everything for the good of others, involuntarily, even if you would like to say no, something inside (the inner stupid person) says yes. you end up without doing much on your personal goals, over extending yourself for others will drain you emotionally and physically, most of it will go unappreciated so you will feel frustration, mostly innate, and one day you wake up resenting youself to the max!!! and then starts the psychological torment, you start detesting yourself for being the weak person that you are.. you dont lose people or hurt them like the selfish ones do, but you lose your self love.. which is worse and harder to handle..

* why on earth do some people have to say ‘thats so funny’ instead of, erm, actually laughing at something/ incident/someone!!! it doesnt make sense announcing it without laughing! eft!

* black does NOT look good on everyone! 

* its kinda sad when you reach mid/late twenties, and you know so little about your religion..

* middle class doesnt exist IMHO, its either rich, or poor, even in the holy books, there was never a mention of middle class! and its true.. If a financial crisis hits an individual, 75% of individuals will be considered poor, or get really close to becoming poor. the remaining 25% are either very poor, or very rich to not feel the crisis.

ramadan is over

Posted: October 5, 2008 in bla bla bla, life, ma7alli, rant, thoughts

but the spirit hopefully will live on, i had such a magical month this year, it was the most peaceful ramadan i ever had to be honest. i felt closer to God than i ever were, and i intend to keep it that way, inshAllah.

what baffles me however, is the audacity of so many people, muslims or not, in this holy month. wherever you look you find someone drinking coffee in their car, or rolling down their tinted car windows to blow the smoke off their ciggies, ya3ni cant you wait to get home or to the office or to a freaking parking lot! people have no respect i swear! i go to other offices, or even downstairs to exit to the parking lot (coffee shops/restaurants were operating in my office building as they were in many office buildings in the city!) or to the road, and can smell coffee, smoke, and pungent smelling foods!

what bothers me the most is that the country doesnt impose its supposedly ‘Islamic’ rules on its residents! THEY should respect that its a holy month of fasting and that this is afterall an Islamic country, but rude enough, they want US to get over it coz its a diversified community! in Egypt, you DARE not be caught even chewing gum in the streets, christian or not, everyone has a certain amount of respect for the month, and the country has strict rules on open shops and coffeeshops. i wish that gets implemented here someday, coz even though i couldn’t care less who eats what before me in ramadan, its just rude and disrespectful.

sigh..

Posted: August 10, 2008 in bla bla bla, life, ma7alli, observations, thoughts
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
– Jane Wagner 

 

there is not one single person i know or came across in this freaking city that has little or no amount of overwhelming stress to bear..

everyday is a race, with who? No one knows! but everyone is running in this place, everyone is after something, everyone wants more money, and also want more time to do more things with their lives.. but those cant be acheived together in most cases, so everyone is frustrated and depressed! from colleagues and friends to my sister’s friends and colleagues, to doctors you meet, or their nurses while you wait, or even while shopping and waiting at a shop’s counter you converse with someone and you can instantly see the tired look on their face and the heavy sigh when you ask them how is work..

we bankers feel the heat more, with the credit crunch and the market crashes and the real estate market in europe crashing and so many people being laid off everyday… everyone is in a competition for someone’s job!

it INDEED IS a jungle out there! and i wonder if its worth all this stress..

yeah the title has some pun intended..

my question is, have you ever wished you were of a different ethnic background? ever wished to be of a race you’re not? for whatever reason whether their looks or their rich(er) culture or their lifestyle or anything that might attract you more than your own race..

i always think of that, and even though i am a proud palestinian, i dream about being from anothe race.. wierd aren’t i! anyone else as wierd as well?