Archive for the ‘damdoumization’ Category

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

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say no to NYR!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

So I took  my car to service today, and that humming annoying noise apparently was a bigger problem than I anticipated. so it’s a 2 day job, and I will be carless till midweek. it’s funny how it cripples our mobility big time in this country being carless. had I been in europe or the states where the weather is friendlier, i would probably be biking it everywhere and anywhere.. oh well. it’s only two days.

wasnt the world a lot easier and simpler, around, like, ten years back? when the bloom didnt even start in Dubai and when Apple and BlackBerry were still merely fruits? when kids played in playgrounds rather than being glued to a mobile phone at 5 years of age, and being hooked on video games.. most homes are not “booked” enough, for a lack of better words hehe, most kids I have seen (friends’ kids, or even kids in our distant and immediate family) do not read! its sad! we had shelves and shelves of endless books on literature (dad’s second degree was in english literature may he rest in peace) history (both parents loved history and politics especially) and novels (mom is a diligent reader of arabic novels).. I wish I can say the same for the houses I visit. I think I will be a very military-like mother whenever the time comes God willing. No TV addiction, no timepasses that add no value to my kids’ lives and intellect, no useless toys.. seriously! I want to raise them the way my mom and dad took the time to raise us. the concept of ‘modern’ families does not appeal to me and I absolutely think it’s a failing concept anyway. look at all the dysfunctional families around, marriage itself has become a failing concept these days, with the rise in divorce rates, and the endless bachelors and bachelorettes (a decision made by choice!)..

I have been thinking way too much about the world and what it has come to for around a fortnight.. was not inspired much to write but today I somewhat am. (for my one man audience out there! Hey Marv, my loyal reader lol). After watching History Channel’s episodes of the lost book of Nostradamus and how his predictions have been very accurate for so long, that maybe, just maybe, his prediction of the world ending in 2012, might just be right. Of course I am a strong believer, and I will always trust my faith in God with everything, would not believe a person over God. But I have to say I was intregued, and it was very thought provoking. I always thought I would die at 32, what if I do! did I acheive all I wanted? did I go every where I hoped? will I leave behind any regrets? Can’t help but think of all of that.. Which brings me back to my original lingering and frightening question: did I fulfill my passion in this life? and the sad answer was: a big fat NO. And that shook me. Approaching 30 fastly and furiously makes me even more concerned.

I should give my poor exhausted mind a rest I reckon. I barely sleep. Shouldn’t  burden it with continuous thoughts!

Thanks for reading (Marv). Wishing you [all, if any] a good day.

* I hate being sick, and non-winter flu is the worst! and funny thing is, no one seems to ask about you when you’re sick. its like *officer down! ok, we got 5364291 other friends to go out with* jeez people.. on a serious note. I hate fevers! i can tolerate any pain, except the ones in my face.

* man is a strange being by all means. its funny how one can love, but not need their loved one. or at least not as much as one needed them at the very beginning of their relationship. so which one is it? “out of sight, out of mind” or “distance makes the heart grow fonder” ?? i myself am not quite sure which one applies.. however, i believe what some perceive as possessiveness, might merely be fear of losing the one person one felt comfortable and strong for.

* will end this short post with a poem thats been brewing since the morning in my rather exhausted and mushy mind.. I am so tired. I think I got a little delusional today!

Untitled

Your eyes so full of apathy
Your mouth knows not but hurt
Walk away from these demons
And remember thy love filled heart
Walk closer and hold me tight
I need to feel complete
Take my hand and lead the way
I want you to feel my need
Had you been in my place
I would not think or hesitate
I would catch you if you fall
Would want to be there if  you brake
I want to be the one you breathe
I want to be your all…

(WARNING: long psychobabble post ahead, purely my theories and mumbles)

Isnt it funny how high school behaviour patterns and paradigms continue into adulthood and into the office environment? I think most people fully evolve by the age of 16 (child psychology suggests personality starts becoming consistent starting at the age of 5) I think by the time we are at the not-so-sweet 16 stage, most of us keep that personality going..

lemme break them down for you, the way I see them:

The “cool” crowd:

Usually the jocks and cheerleaders of any school. Good looking guys with no substance, no common/general knowledge, not the highest IQ, can be found on the weekend participating in beer pong and block parties, or any activity/event involving alcohol. Loads of it! Generally hanging around and hitting on cheerleaders!

Cheerleaders, usually the girl version of the jock. Stunning, small framed, never had a bad hair day in their lives, mean as hell and like the jocks, not very bright. They move in packs, dont socialize except with one another and of course the jocks.

These usually become the IQ challenged people in the office who get paid a lot just for looking good and knowing the ‘right’ people. PR/Media/Mass communication interests the majority of this segment the most.. Or of course, they could become politicians. They’re popular for no reason anyway.

The Nerds:

Not necessarily the most intelligent or valedictorian material. However, they’re introverts who stay indoors playing video games instead of partying at highschool! Poor dress sence, poor social skills, sporting glasses or braces, or both! Get picked on by the Jocks, and dreaming of getting with the cheerleaders!

They usually become that over diligent employee who almost never attends the company events and gets labeled as anti-social. Or end up the gadget masters and IT crowd.

The Skaters:

Always missing class, always high on mary js and drugs in the pill form, idolize Bob Marley, long haired, free spirites, always in sporty outfits, skateboarding/rollerblading everywhere.. the sun is always up in their skies and its always summer in their heads. Vocabulary consists of “dude” and “stoked”.

Well, you at least have one of them in the office! Dress down thursday is everyday for them, most laid back employee in the office. Loves to talk and might end up in a call center, doing outdoor sales, or pick up a job in logistics and package delivery. I like to think that musicians, DJs and radio presenters fall in this category too.

The Rocker Punks:

Intelligent, do fairly well with grades, develop a devil-may-care attitude, have a good voice and sing along to all the hardcore rock and alternative/grunge music they listen to. They usually despise the jocks and cheerleaders for their frivolity and stupidity. Usually are dressed in darker colours and form fitting clothes, and party sensibly over the weekend. They’re drawn more to artistic events and concerts.

Those are the desirable guys and girls of the office. Dark and broody. get their job done efficiently and quietly, they work best solo. can succeed in any field so no specific one suggested. However, they usualy are leaders not just managers. Also, they tend to enjoy creative thinking and brainstorming for new ideas. Could also work well as Psychologists and surgeons.

The Fly on The Wall:

The quiet kid. Not a nerd. Not emo. Not common mainstream kid. Just quiet. They keep to themselves, eat lunch alone (or with a book), they have a wild imagination as they create a whole world for themselves. Uninvited to any parties. Unnoticed in the halls. Unmissed after graduation. Its like they never existed!

I have a mixed theory for this type. They are either the ones who end up going postal! They work quietly, unnoticed and invisible. Like that quiet back office filing girl? or the office scapegoat who one day will flip and go mental, or postal. OR they end up being the silent geniuses: writers, movie producers, psychics and clairvoyants.

The Bullies:

Very self explanatory!

I see these becoming critics. Analysts. Competetive stock traders and realters.

The Wannabes:

This group wants to be one of the previous groups (except the fly on the wall, no one notices those to wanna be them!)

IMHO these end up the moles to the senior management, the ones who love office gossip, and usually start it. Hackers. Frauds. and identity thieves.

Of course these are my personal theories and thoughts, I am not generalizing, or stating them as facts. and please, share any categories you might have : )

Wiki defines a love hate relationship as follows:

A love-hate relationship is a personal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and enmity. This relationship does not have to be of a romantic nature, and may be instead of a sibling one. It may occur when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other.

Doesnt that describe most marriages?

Now on a serious note, I wonder, do we actually need a little bit of hate to enhance the love? just as darkness is essential to appreciate light? is too much love just not healthy?