Archive for the ‘damdoumization’ Category

(WARNING: vulnerable post ahead!)

I had the week from hell last week. It stirred up a lot of emotions, and I am not a melodramatic person, nor an uber emotional one. I am very compassionate however.

and that is a downside. as I feel what people feel, and I get sad when they do, happy when they are, but worse of all, I feel horrible when I find myself useless in my many trials to help those I care about. It’s not about the failure. It mainly is about me wanting to see them happy, and being unable to control that. I know I cant have everyone around me happy, as it is not in my hands, but I so wish it were…

but disappointment never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won’t stop me now… I will keep trying.

 

I however am saddened when I feel I am not as good a friend as I thought I were. I am sometimes impulsive, sometimes dont think things through, and mostly I speak before thinking when I am around people I love. I think I need to re-evaluate and assess myself a little these coming days… and I know I will be hard on myself, thats just me!  and I can’t bear the thought of not being there as I want for my friends.

Call me an idiot, but it makes me feel less adequate to know someone else is better at this than me with certain people I hold dear to my heart…

say no to NYR!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

I dont think i ever had a new years resolution. ever. oh no wait. i did but never kept it :S by Jan 3rd I had already broken it and it felt horrible to betray myself like that. I like to be a person of actions, not words. And i did not keep my promise to myself that year. (yes, it was to quit smoking! and yes i did quit it eventually. cold turkey. never looked back. yay for me!)

so this year, I am adopting a new motto. no promises. just changes i wish to incorporate in my life this year going forward… i love lists so here’s one!

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is primarily taking less personal offense, reducing anger, and the blaming of the offender. It also consists of developing an understanding of situations that lead to hurt and anger. I am not saying it will be easy. but one needs to resolve past issues. have a mental cleanse. we need to let go of negativity we hold on to for long. letting go is the best thing one can do of hurt. why would anyone want to hold on to hurt anyway? victimizing ourselves will only create more mental clutter, if that’s the right word. best thing I learned is to resolve all internal issues, once the healing is complete, I can move on with no negative emotions, and then I embrace life with an open heart. I plan to keep doing that. It de-burdens me of the weight on my shoulders.

2. Laugh from the heart

Someone once said: Laughter is good for the soul. and science says laughing out loud is good for your lungs, but more so for your spirituality. it is so not worth it being stressed out all the time, I see stress as a silent killer. Smiling has an optimistic effect on people, and its contageous. So is laughing.  I sometimes induce it even if I dont feel like it, just as soon as I start feeling a little down, I put on family guy or friends or even watch some silly show and just laugh. it is not crazy. I believe it is one of the healthiest of my new founds habits. So start smiling and it will become second nature!

3. Love thy friends

self explanatory i reckon..

4. Lose the nuisance

I have introduced a new policy to my relationship book of rules and regulations. If you’re bringing in drama, then I do not associate with you. I do not need drama, I do not tolerate drama, and I will not allow drama near me. Whoever you may be. My idea of friends are people who come into our lives, and bring a learning experience, assist us to growth, love us unconditionally, be there when we need them, and confide in us if they need us, laugh with us, and bring in positivity into our lives just by being present in it! If your only purpose in life is whining all the time, complaining and demanding undevided attention because you’re the victim of a world wide conspiracy against you, then I apologize, I have no place for you in my life. This policy is working for me. You may call me ruthless, but it is working for me. life is too short to waste it on people who only channel negativity.

And that’s all kids. If you have things that aren’t working for you, change them. Introduce positive chi. and have a safe and happy year!

this post has been brewing in my mind for a while. so has the subject.

im an observant more than anything in life. well that, and an ‘inane chatter’ as a friend once put it. and you know what? I am not a fan of generalizing and stereotyping but I gotta say this whole heartedly after a lot of thought and observation..: all men are the same. whatever nationality/ culture/ background/ upbringing/ race/ colour/ religion, they’re all copy paste of one another. and that is NOT i repeat NOT a pretty picture to have so many copies of.

I was having a rather interesting conversation (well I am still unsure how the conversation turned in that direction, but I believe it had something to do with the number of beautiful women passing by) with a man I hold so much respect for, admire professionally, and consider a good company as we are somewhat on the same wavelength with many subjects (except today I was disappointed.. it saddens me to admit that..). the guy is a stunning man, him being handsome is a unanimous feedback amongst the girls (married or single!) that have met him -whatever their ‘type’ may be – he is also quite rich, young, bubbly, very popular, and yes, married. The dream man of all my friends, is in fact taken. Married to a wonderful woman who he had pursued for many years to agree to leave her family and marry him and move to another country, however, he loves her dearly and she knew that he would be the great husband (and father) that he is. So today I was in shock when he turned around to me after eyeing every girl who was in the vicinity and said: “Dima, how wrong is it if I cheat? I am a man, like everyone else, and every other man I know has at least 3 girls on the side”! Of course Dima was very shocked to say the least. This coming from a decent man that I respect and look up to, was the final straw. I have lost all faith in men. They’re all identical, different packaging, but nonetheless, identical.

Which brings me to my growing belief that marriage is way too over-rated.. We don’t need it!  Love is not designed to last from what I have seen so far, and Dubai is a multicultural place so these couples I have observed are of all ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Kids are a burden in this recession infested day and age. companionship also can be bought! and for those who have no problem with physical ‘interaction’, marriage provides nothing new, and for those who are celibate, marriage is a mirage where one of you (mostly the male) will end up wanting more than just that ‘one’ person to experience more physical intimacy with, as let’s face it, humans are greedy creatures, and most will fall for that voice in their head that begs to invade new ‘territories’ since they missed out on that in their youth/single life. Why is sexual advancement experimenting through multiple partners so important? Does it make you a better man if you had more partners than your peers? Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? What about contentment?? I keep hearing that most cheaters love their kids, and most even love their wives. Would never leave them for one of their ‘mistresses’ but just feel that they HAVE to have someone on the side, maybe because society anticipates them to? or their gender is expected to??

You do NOT need to do something just because you can, or because i’ts offered and easily accessable, most cheaters get a thrill when they get away with it… they think they have become invincible. What about Karma?? Does no one fear Karma or Divine Punishment anymore?

I am in no way saying women are all angels. So no assumptions please. But the percentage of women cheaters in comparison to men, is less. It’s growing for sure, but i believe their reasons are different. I’ll leave that for another post.

So I took  my car to service today, and that humming annoying noise apparently was a bigger problem than I anticipated. so it’s a 2 day job, and I will be carless till midweek. it’s funny how it cripples our mobility big time in this country being carless. had I been in europe or the states where the weather is friendlier, i would probably be biking it everywhere and anywhere.. oh well. it’s only two days.

wasnt the world a lot easier and simpler, around, like, ten years back? when the bloom didnt even start in Dubai and when Apple and BlackBerry were still merely fruits? when kids played in playgrounds rather than being glued to a mobile phone at 5 years of age, and being hooked on video games.. most homes are not “booked” enough, for a lack of better words hehe, most kids I have seen (friends’ kids, or even kids in our distant and immediate family) do not read! its sad! we had shelves and shelves of endless books on literature (dad’s second degree was in english literature may he rest in peace) history (both parents loved history and politics especially) and novels (mom is a diligent reader of arabic novels).. I wish I can say the same for the houses I visit. I think I will be a very military-like mother whenever the time comes God willing. No TV addiction, no timepasses that add no value to my kids’ lives and intellect, no useless toys.. seriously! I want to raise them the way my mom and dad took the time to raise us. the concept of ‘modern’ families does not appeal to me and I absolutely think it’s a failing concept anyway. look at all the dysfunctional families around, marriage itself has become a failing concept these days, with the rise in divorce rates, and the endless bachelors and bachelorettes (a decision made by choice!)..

I have been thinking way too much about the world and what it has come to for around a fortnight.. was not inspired much to write but today I somewhat am. (for my one man audience out there! Hey Marv, my loyal reader lol). After watching History Channel’s episodes of the lost book of Nostradamus and how his predictions have been very accurate for so long, that maybe, just maybe, his prediction of the world ending in 2012, might just be right. Of course I am a strong believer, and I will always trust my faith in God with everything, would not believe a person over God. But I have to say I was intregued, and it was very thought provoking. I always thought I would die at 32, what if I do! did I acheive all I wanted? did I go every where I hoped? will I leave behind any regrets? Can’t help but think of all of that.. Which brings me back to my original lingering and frightening question: did I fulfill my passion in this life? and the sad answer was: a big fat NO. And that shook me. Approaching 30 fastly and furiously makes me even more concerned.

I should give my poor exhausted mind a rest I reckon. I barely sleep. Shouldn’t  burden it with continuous thoughts!

Thanks for reading (Marv). Wishing you [all, if any] a good day.

* I hate being sick, and non-winter flu is the worst! and funny thing is, no one seems to ask about you when you’re sick. its like *officer down! ok, we got 5364291 other friends to go out with* jeez people.. on a serious note. I hate fevers! i can tolerate any pain, except the ones in my face.

* man is a strange being by all means. its funny how one can love, but not need their loved one. or at least not as much as one needed them at the very beginning of their relationship. so which one is it? “out of sight, out of mind” or “distance makes the heart grow fonder” ?? i myself am not quite sure which one applies.. however, i believe what some perceive as possessiveness, might merely be fear of losing the one person one felt comfortable and strong for.

* will end this short post with a poem thats been brewing since the morning in my rather exhausted and mushy mind.. I am so tired. I think I got a little delusional today!

Untitled

Your eyes so full of apathy
Your mouth knows not but hurt
Walk away from these demons
And remember thy love filled heart
Walk closer and hold me tight
I need to feel complete
Take my hand and lead the way
I want you to feel my need
Had you been in my place
I would not think or hesitate
I would catch you if you fall
Would want to be there if  you brake
I want to be the one you breathe
I want to be your all…

(WARNING: long psychobabble post ahead, purely my theories and mumbles)

Isnt it funny how high school behaviour patterns and paradigms continue into adulthood and into the office environment? I think most people fully evolve by the age of 16 (child psychology suggests personality starts becoming consistent starting at the age of 5) I think by the time we are at the not-so-sweet 16 stage, most of us keep that personality going..

lemme break them down for you, the way I see them:

The “cool” crowd:

Usually the jocks and cheerleaders of any school. Good looking guys with no substance, no common/general knowledge, not the highest IQ, can be found on the weekend participating in beer pong and block parties, or any activity/event involving alcohol. Loads of it! Generally hanging around and hitting on cheerleaders!

Cheerleaders, usually the girl version of the jock. Stunning, small framed, never had a bad hair day in their lives, mean as hell and like the jocks, not very bright. They move in packs, dont socialize except with one another and of course the jocks.

These usually become the IQ challenged people in the office who get paid a lot just for looking good and knowing the ‘right’ people. PR/Media/Mass communication interests the majority of this segment the most.. Or of course, they could become politicians. They’re popular for no reason anyway.

The Nerds:

Not necessarily the most intelligent or valedictorian material. However, they’re introverts who stay indoors playing video games instead of partying at highschool! Poor dress sence, poor social skills, sporting glasses or braces, or both! Get picked on by the Jocks, and dreaming of getting with the cheerleaders!

They usually become that over diligent employee who almost never attends the company events and gets labeled as anti-social. Or end up the gadget masters and IT crowd.

The Skaters:

Always missing class, always high on mary js and drugs in the pill form, idolize Bob Marley, long haired, free spirites, always in sporty outfits, skateboarding/rollerblading everywhere.. the sun is always up in their skies and its always summer in their heads. Vocabulary consists of “dude” and “stoked”.

Well, you at least have one of them in the office! Dress down thursday is everyday for them, most laid back employee in the office. Loves to talk and might end up in a call center, doing outdoor sales, or pick up a job in logistics and package delivery. I like to think that musicians, DJs and radio presenters fall in this category too.

The Rocker Punks:

Intelligent, do fairly well with grades, develop a devil-may-care attitude, have a good voice and sing along to all the hardcore rock and alternative/grunge music they listen to. They usually despise the jocks and cheerleaders for their frivolity and stupidity. Usually are dressed in darker colours and form fitting clothes, and party sensibly over the weekend. They’re drawn more to artistic events and concerts.

Those are the desirable guys and girls of the office. Dark and broody. get their job done efficiently and quietly, they work best solo. can succeed in any field so no specific one suggested. However, they usualy are leaders not just managers. Also, they tend to enjoy creative thinking and brainstorming for new ideas. Could also work well as Psychologists and surgeons.

The Fly on The Wall:

The quiet kid. Not a nerd. Not emo. Not common mainstream kid. Just quiet. They keep to themselves, eat lunch alone (or with a book), they have a wild imagination as they create a whole world for themselves. Uninvited to any parties. Unnoticed in the halls. Unmissed after graduation. Its like they never existed!

I have a mixed theory for this type. They are either the ones who end up going postal! They work quietly, unnoticed and invisible. Like that quiet back office filing girl? or the office scapegoat who one day will flip and go mental, or postal. OR they end up being the silent geniuses: writers, movie producers, psychics and clairvoyants.

The Bullies:

Very self explanatory!

I see these becoming critics. Analysts. Competetive stock traders and realters.

The Wannabes:

This group wants to be one of the previous groups (except the fly on the wall, no one notices those to wanna be them!)

IMHO these end up the moles to the senior management, the ones who love office gossip, and usually start it. Hackers. Frauds. and identity thieves.

Of course these are my personal theories and thoughts, I am not generalizing, or stating them as facts. and please, share any categories you might have : )

Wiki defines a love hate relationship as follows:

A love-hate relationship is a personal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and enmity. This relationship does not have to be of a romantic nature, and may be instead of a sibling one. It may occur when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other.

Doesnt that describe most marriages?

Now on a serious note, I wonder, do we actually need a little bit of hate to enhance the love? just as darkness is essential to appreciate light? is too much love just not healthy?

 

This January was one big wedgie!

I swear my life is one crazy rollercoaster and a series of dramatic events that I do not know how and why I keep coming across. But no complaints, I guess no one can do my life but me. and I believe that God knows my capacity, and wont give me more than I can handle.

My best friend who only got married a little more than a year back, and now is a proud mother of a 2 month old beautiful girl, is getting a divorce. That has been very emotionally draining for her and even me, I love her to bits and I cant believe what a scum bag her husband is. He simply ruined her life, taking her out of her well paying, decent and very  comfortable job, out of her loving family’s house, to take her to another country where she found out half way through her pregnancy that he is already married (3urfi) to someone 9 years older than him, and has a baby girl from her as well!  Urgh. I feel so frustrated for her. Seriously, she must be the most innocent person I ever met. I think its because she is so innocent, she couldnt see the signs of deceipt. Or he was too good of an actor… I am just happy that she is strong about it, she will stand up for herself and walk away, while most women in our part of the world will stay in a crappy marriage fearing the label of a ‘divorced woman’ and fearing the financial burdens, or just fearing loneliness..

Back to me, my new boss is a lovely woman, amazing at what she does, very knowledgeable and hands on with her job and that is refreshing in comparison with my previous boss.. however! yes you knew that was a ‘but’ moment there.. she wants to relocate the whole regional team in its intirety (63 staff who have lives and families in Dubai) to Egypt to make her life easier! Not to mention cut cost on Dubai’s budget.. Oh, well. Let’s see how that goes. I am hopeful. : )

So many has happened in January, many I will not mention or go over briefly not even in a notion. But it was a month of stress, tough decisions, friendships made and some lost. But most of all, my belief in that tough times are the best teachers, mostly we learn of our own strength, has become an even deeper belief.

January. Glad its over!

short musings

Posted: December 4, 2009 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, thoughts

* We had a long holiday for Eid and National Day, and i took the 2 days in between off so I can have the week off. I havent had a decent holiday since ever! (ever being December 07) the only days i left for a while were when I went to finish up official paper works after dad passed and to get mom to stay with us. and that was only a short period, spent in official offices in Jordan, and trust me, if you havent been there yourself, its not fun! I am actually dreading going back on Sunday! I do not know what bad karma I am paying for, but I havent had a proper decent boss for a while now. 3 years for crying out loud. what could I have possibly done wrong in this lifetime, or past ones if existed, to deserve this? oh well.. il7amdila (thank God). I just hope I can make an internal transfer to another department, there are a few openings after the bank laid off half the staff! I just hope my current boss doesnt play child of Satan on me and grants me a smooth move. *fingers and toes crossed*

* and here is something i wrote 2 days back, i havent written in a while, but suddenly got inspired.

Toxic Friends..

Waltz was never my favorite dance
Going around in circles, yet still at stance..
Masquerading back and forth with detriment
Repeatedly telling me it’s not entirely meant
Your theory of friendship is so distorted
Making me feel confused and contorted
It’s hard to let go but I cannot stay..
Till you finally realize my worth one day
I wish you let me know what’s on your mind
So I can make a decision and never look behind..

D

Yes, its another ‘fashion dont’ post. and I will post for both genders, dont feel like writing two posts : D

Nail art: if you like art, buy a painting! having all these colours and designs on one of the smallest paintable parts of your body is not flattering. either french it, or stick to one colour.

Mullets: business in the front, party at the back. this look is so 80s, and it should have stayed there!

The male goth look: keep the pale foundation, black eyeshadow, and wine lips for women please. that look has goth to go!

Tiaras: unless you’re the queen of england, or a beauty queen, or natalie portman, refrain from wearing a tiara in public. you can play princess at home. alone.

Oversized bags: like outrageously oversized it would fit an infant. not flattering or fashionable at all.

Top to bottom branded items: a bag is enough, and maybe a pair of shoes. but full on head to toe will only make you look like designer luggage.

Funky coloured leather/suede: if you dont see that colour in nature on some animal then its not the way God intended it to be. You dont see pink cows, why wear a pink suede trouser? with the exception of red leather jackets, everything else is a no!

Satin and lace shirts: fit for the bedroom, and not the boardroom. (no pic, use imagination)

The side swept high ponytail: if you’re over 6 years of age, keep your ponytail behind you.

Mesh tops: need i say more? :la6im:

no its not a quiz post.

i tend to see the word as ‘judge’ & ‘mental’ to tell you the truth! i dont think i was ever that judgemental, except when i was younger maybe, i had my few moments. however, the longer my journey goes is in this life, the more relaxed and laid back i have become, and the less judgemental i ended up. almost reaching zero judgementalitis (yes, in the infection form).

I am not sure how we become judgemental to be honest, but i always thought it was an environmentally acquired trait. if one is raised in a stereotyping community, one might get more accustomed to the idea of labeling others.. of course there are exceptions, who wouldn’t get affected by the people around them, rather build their own persona and own method of thought. I am not sure if it has to do with how religious we are either, but an old discussion with an ex colleague and a forever best friend brought it up, she believes that if one has faith in God being the ultimate judge of our actions and behavior, then one will never override God’s ‘authority’. Maybe some form of judgement is ok to have? to help in self valuation and self advancement? I dont know.

The judgement that i do not approve of however is the mechanism that we use to create and perpetuate separation, segregation, negativity and limitation for ourselves and from others. and sometimes. make ourselves appear better in our own eyes than others,  you know, putting others down to bring yourself up. which makes the second way of becoming judgemental in my books; good old fashioned low self esteem and total laziness to improve oneself, so one choses the easy way out!

After a lot of thought, i have concluded that understanding the following is the easiest and fastest way people can become less judgemental:

  1. understanding that REAL confidence, is purely self created!
  2. understanding that you are in no way superior to anyone for any reason.
  3. understanding that making a negative judgement about another person is always a reflection of who you are, not of who they are.

the end! 😀

thoughts..

Posted: September 11, 2009 in bla bla bla, damdoumization, dubai, random, thoughts

* i always used to think people were gluttons for happy endings, but with every incident that happens i become more convinced that people (in our part of the world) CRAVE drama, whether its a car accident, a fire, religiously watching a soap opera, a public lovers’ quarrel, or even someone tumbling and falling in the street! we just have to watch it! the psychologist in me suggests its because of wanting to see others in bad situations, a resounding conviction of  ‘life isnt always perfect to others’ it makes one feel better about one’s life in a way..  but still people, go to therapy in Dubai and STOP RUBBERNECKING on the roads! Some of us would like to reach their destinations!

* One of the things i hate bout this city is that there are no theatres, art cinemas, proper museums, and more cultural events worth attending.. I long for a good foreign movie! or a trip to a good museum, that will actually entice me more than Dubai museum of the ‘old’ heritage of this city. i need something more than 40 years old! I hope now that we have a modern metro system, that someone will actually come up with something less expensive and more educational and cultural. Bleh!

* The new office has such a different culture than the old, not that the old one had any definite culture to begin with, but the new place has a more enviting aura. I am not the type who actually believes in office frienships, as most of them are superficial and periodic, once you leave, you’re forgotten. But this office begs to differ. I see a lot of people who enjoy a professional atmosphere but have strong friendships amongst them outside of the office, which is, quite frankly, very refreshing! I’m not sure i will be makng any of those strong friendships, but I am enjoying a healthier environment. Il7amdila.

* and on a final and completely irrelevant note, my thought of the day: ” A divorce paper is one that gives a wife the upper hand, and gives the husband the middle finger! “

Peekaboo!

Posted: September 11, 2009 in damdoumization, life, me me me, random

Wow, i have been so away for so long, what has it been now, 4 months? give or take. had a lot to deal with. Changed jobs, finally! I couldnt be happier thank God, il7amdila, im finally back in my element. Personal Banking. No more crappy boss, who incidently, was laid off shortly after i left. I had a tough time on my exit interview, as i was debating the idea of snitching, many of his actions and transactions were completely against compliance (and work ethics) rules. To be honest, my conscience wouldnt have been cleared had i done that. God has his ways. and his cover was blown eventually. Thank God i had no hand in that. seriously. even if it were the right thing to do. I would have felt horrible doing it. Anyway. its all past me now. So totally over. I have a new beginning, and im very content with God’s blessings. Please God, keep them pouring!

I was planning on taking the  metro this weekend, just for the heck of it, from the first station, to the very last one. and back again! lol. But will do that next weekend hopefully. I have never been on a metro can you believe that? all the travel i have done, never once went. i may have an underlying fear of it with all the accidents we hear lol but seriously, i love driving! i dont think i can depend on any other form of uncontrolled transport! especially that our metro has no driver :S feels kinda weird. I just hope it eases traffic, whether i take it or not!

I am developing a craze for books recently! I am especially head over heels for Paulo Coelho. Reading The Zahir now. Just finished Veronika Decides to Die. surprisingly not the dark novel i expected it to be. its kind of life-enhancing! as all Paulo creations i reckon. I also got Deepak Chopra’s Grow Younger, Live Longer. lol. i know, too soon, and so unneeded since everyone thinks im 22-23, while i am fastly approaching 30. Hope that trend sticks on for another 20 years!

I will be back, but i have an urge to go blog hopping. I must have missed out on so many good writings, and many events in your lives..

the psychology of deception is an interesting study, especially that of self-deception..

mask

deception by general defenition is the act of convincing another to believe information that is not true, or not the whole truth. (brought to you by Wiki).  (personally i believe hiding facts is just as horrible and hurtful as lying). Self-deception  is the process or act of misleading ourselves to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid, self-deception in short is the way we justify false beliefs to ourselves!

Psychologists usually focus on unconscious motivations and intentions when discussing self-deception, they also usually consider it as a bad thing, although its sometimes used as a self guarding mechanism one uses to avoid getting hurt/broken/shocked. we do it all the time. yes we do. i might even exaggerate and claim its an instinctive act at times! but dont quote me on it : D

In relationships, self-deception sometimes helps couples see the best in each other, to a certain extent, relationships could not survive without some level of self-deception, but too much optimism or denial, can be just as costly. The trick is to engage in self-deception in order to see the best in a partner without letting self-deception create too much vulnerability.  In relationships, it can create more harm than good when it limits people from seeing important warning signs, or it leads people to overlook serious problems, or it causes people to put the best spin on everything that happens.  & frankly thats why i personally dont believe in traditional marriages. as everyone wears a mask and partners use self deception to make the suiter look better in their eyes in order to make it happen and rid themselves of society’s pressures. (which in my very humble opinion, is no valid reason to get married!).

 is there a point of this post? not really, just some psychobabble.  every day life brings thoughts and the psychologist in me keeps analyzing people non-stop!

i will not post accompanying pictures, since its a long post!

25.  octopus: especially baby octopus, deep fried with tartar or marinara sauce, or simply in a salad, yum!! it might not look very appealing in the raw, but when cooked the taste is heavenly.

24. gazelle meat:  in my meat eating days i was pretty adventurous with the meat i tried. and gazelle or dear meat was exquisite! very woody kinda earthy taste, dark meat, cooked to perfection with red potatoes and gravy.. num!

23. Lobster: this sweet meat has to be eaten at least once before one moves on! its light, sweet, succulent, and simple.

22. sushi:  sushi must be my favorite, even though i dont eat red meat or white, i love seafood! and i crave every once in a while, and usually in the form of sushi. i do not appreciate sashimi but sushi is amazing, especially with a heavy dose of wasabi! Yum!

21. hot dog from a street cart! lol i dont think there’s anything better than that! warm bread, all the toppings one would wish, and the great outdoors! (for those of you in the states, dont take that delicacy for granted!)

20. curry:  i think the indian cuisine is one of the best if not the ultimate best in rich, colourful, spicey aromatic foods. and curry being the king of all food, best if eaten in south india, or southern indian restaurants, coz they make the best curries ever!

19. spanish paella: paella is a unique ‘saucepan’ dish from spain, that is both spicey and very de-lish however made! usually its a mix of rice, meat, seafood, vegetables, beans, and spices cooked together with meat/veggie stock and chili paste, you can be creative with the ingredients, or even cook it vegetarian!

18.  mexican mole: bit of a wierd combination, but its a sauce made of chile and chocolate served over meat!  it tastes great whatever the meat used is.. i like the idea of chocolate with salty foods, it makes it more interesting, like in the french cuisine they have an amazing dish of grilled fish and white choc sauce.

17. authentic wood fired oven baked pizza: this is my ultimate favorite! even more than wood fire ovens, i love pizza made on charcoal (like the turkish pizza) that is a must try (and a sure instant love)!

16. sweet potato: as a main dish or dessert, sweet potato is a delicious veggie that is versatile and goes nicely with lamost all cuisines.  i personally like it as sweet potato tempura, or sweet potato pie, but many mash it instead of normal potatoes as it is lower in carb and is suitable for ppl following the GI diet.

15. chowder soup: my favorite type of soup, its chunky, thickened with crackers, its got a creamy base (usually made out of milk, skimmed milk can be used also, hurrah!) the most famous chowder soup is clam chowder, but i personally love potato, corn or mixed vegetable chowder soup more. healthy, chunky, and so good in the cold days!

14. miso soup: or ‘dashi’ is a traditional Japanese soup made out of miso paste some add tofu, some add veggies, the variations are vast but the base is one. a very healthy Japanese snack or side dish, and i think everyone should try it at least once in their lifetime..

13. lucky # 13 is paneer: most famous in indian/persian cuisine. the non melting, non fat cheese cubes incorporated in many vegetarian dishes and i personally love the indian use of paneer in dishes like paneer makhni or dingri mattar paneer.. once tried, you will fall in love instantly!

12. salted lassi: keeping with the indian cuisine, also widely drunk in pakistan and neighbouring south asian countries, is lassi. i love the salted one more than the sweet one coz it makes more sense! its simply yoghurt mixed with a bit of water, salt, pepper, cumin seeds, and sometimes milk and lemon juice.  perfect for summer days!

11. pumpkin hummus: this is a great chinese take on the traditional middle eastern hummus! and it is  a must try. no regrets there i assure you…

10. durian fruit:  the notorious foul smelled fruit that has been banned from buses, hotels, and hospitals in many asian countries, in fact some countries may fine you if you get into a cab or a bus with a durian fruit in your lap! it is a creamy sweet tasting fruit, if you can get past its horrible smell, it tastes like.. vanilla pudding! Durian is also known for its healthy benefits as it cures insomnia, OCD, suicidal depression, parkinson’s disease, PMS, and also can curb a glutton appetite since its rich in proteins and minerals and very filling.

9. dragon fruit: funky color! and tastes amazing. also very healthy and is known to reduce weight and reverse diabetes type 2 if eaten regularly. i love the scent and color of it more than my love for its taste to be frank!

8. rambutans: the overall image isnt so appealing and one may take time to figure out how to tackle it, but once you get there, oh wow the sweetest, silkiest, and most refreshing fruit ever is just waiting! One of my favorites and although i sometimes wish it did not have a seed (flaky skinned seed that you should avoid at all costs when digging into a rambutan) but still is one of my faves!

7. freshly baked saj goodies: i love saj, especially in winter, freshly made before your eyes, with tons of zatar and cheese, and just baked to a perfect crunch! YUM! with mint tea and great company, this is prolly one of the (many) things i would love to eat right  before i die! lol

6. pocky: a japanese snack simply being biscuit sticks dipped in chocolate or strawberry! i love them and the original ones should be tried at least once in a lifetime. recently the variations have become endless: cherry cream covered, almond bits and choc, coffee, toffee, banana and choc, vanilla, and the last i tried was an amazing Glico bitter chocolate pocky! Yum-eee! the japanese come up with the craziest stuff most of the time, but pocky, is a sane yet very addictive treat!  

5. krispy kreme’s original glazed doughnut:  ‘nuf said!

4. MacDonald’s Big Mac: again ‘nuf said!

3. freshly bakes ice cream cones: first, they smell alluring and drool inducing! secondly, they taste just out of this world when they’re fresh!

2. home grown tomatoes: there is nothing more fulfilling than picking up vegetable and fruits and legumes from your own back yard, but even more so if that home grown item is a red, rich, sweet, and juicy tomato! seriously, unbelievable.

1. choclate mousse cheesecake: this i bet women will agree with me on, but men will appreciate since its the most sinful item of food that you can ever sink your teeth into! actually u will not need to use teeth for this as it melts so seductively in your mouth infusing all that (fat) rich taste.. ahhhh! beautiful!

this is my list, feel free to add or even make up your own!
enjoy good food, be adventurous, try new things, especially in their native country, try to stay healthy with your choices, at least most of the time 😉 you can always indulge every once in a while..

122/185

Posted: November 5, 2008 in damdoumization, feelings, inside out

i_miss

BO

Posted: November 5, 2008 in damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

no not Body Odor! 😀

President Obama, first black president in the white house.

will we finally see shades of gray?

3 & 4

Posted: November 3, 2008 in damdoumization, people, random, relationships, thoughts

4 words a man never wants to hear: “we need to talk”
since usually they’re followed up by 4 words he knows he will hear: “this is not working!”

3 words a woman fears to ask: “what are we”
since she will probably hear the next 3 words: “nothing but friends” (or in some scenarios “friends with benefits”)

and the funny thing is that the 4 letter word that women long for is “love” while the 3 letter word most guys look for is “sex”.. and interesting enough (or at least for me!) in arabic man is a 3 letter word, and woman is a 4 letter word!

* i am somehow convinced that selfishness and selflessness are both really bad qualities.. i even tend to believe selflessness is worse! with selfishness, you at least get what you want, you might hurt people along the way, or lose some, but still, your goals are achieved, your possessions are ‘possessed’, and your wants and needs are actually fulfilled, besides the fact that you’re all alone coz noone will stand that attitude… but you wont even notice it! coz you’re so self centered. however, when you’re selfless, its so energy draining, and psychologically tormenting! You do everything for the good of others, involuntarily, even if you would like to say no, something inside (the inner stupid person) says yes. you end up without doing much on your personal goals, over extending yourself for others will drain you emotionally and physically, most of it will go unappreciated so you will feel frustration, mostly innate, and one day you wake up resenting youself to the max!!! and then starts the psychological torment, you start detesting yourself for being the weak person that you are.. you dont lose people or hurt them like the selfish ones do, but you lose your self love.. which is worse and harder to handle..

* why on earth do some people have to say ‘thats so funny’ instead of, erm, actually laughing at something/ incident/someone!!! it doesnt make sense announcing it without laughing! eft!

* black does NOT look good on everyone! 

* its kinda sad when you reach mid/late twenties, and you know so little about your religion..

* middle class doesnt exist IMHO, its either rich, or poor, even in the holy books, there was never a mention of middle class! and its true.. If a financial crisis hits an individual, 75% of individuals will be considered poor, or get really close to becoming poor. the remaining 25% are either very poor, or very rich to not feel the crisis.

my best friend of 5 years will be getting married in Jan, and moving away to her soon-to-be husband’s country of origin, as he is happy and she also loves it there, in addition to that, he has a great job where he will be providing very well for her and their future family.

we call each other everyday in the mornings, or sms to check up on one another, we used to work together for a year then i left but we still kept that ritual of early morning smss and calls, every alternating weekend of outings and catching up, and every problem shared and discussed as if we’re sisters.. and somehow, we grew to become just that.

as hard as it is for me to say goodbye, i cant be selfish and ask her to stay. its so difficult finding friends when you’re not a kid, and in such a cruel city with no genuine social contacts, it will be hard going forward.. oh well, i guess life is really a series of meetings and partings..

 

freaky friday!!

Posted: October 12, 2008 in damdoumization, i wanna know, random, thoughts

halloween is around the corner, well not quite the corner! but every year around this time i wish i can trade lives with someone else! just for a day.. a change of scenery, a diff set of fears and dreams, just living in someone else’s shoes for a day.. why cant we wear a costume and actually instantly transform into that character for that night?

if you were to trade lives for halloween, who would you chose?

i’d chose to be a fairy, or angelina jolie 👿

fashion donts (2)

Posted: October 7, 2008 in damdoumization, fashion, men, random

after fashion donts 1 which was aimed at girls, enter fashion donts 2! in which i shall commence to dissect the fashion crimes that some men all over the world are guilty of.

1. the worst thing a man can do by far: wear a suit without a belt, even SANTA knows better!!

it does nothing good for your look, so please never EVER go out without a belt on a suit, formal trousers or even jeans! only pairs of anything wearable that can do without a belt are shorts, capris and khakis, but a suit or jeans (whether proper formal jeans or torn out/worn out jeans) without belts are a complete murder of fashion!

2. which brings us to another suit/jeans no-no, WHITE SOCKS.

Never, and i mean NEVER, even under threat, wear white socks under a suit or jeans, even if you’re wearing sneakers, thats what gray was created for! wear only dark shades matching your suit and/or shoes color. the most tricky suit color is navy blue, if you’re not wearing a navy blue shoe since they are SO unbelievably hard to find even for women attire, wear a black shoe with black socks, and if you chose to wear dark brown shoes under a navy blue suit (which i personally find more appropriate and a lot classier than black) then you wear navy blue socks matching your suit shade or dark brown matching your shoe color.

3. suspenders, one word: why???

unless you are a) a cop b) a chick c) steve urkel (jaleel white), then suspenders should not exist in your fashion vocab!

4. formal wear in very luminous bright colors:

please view exhibit A:  and exhibit B:

unless you’re in show business or a clown, please refrain from wearin a red suit or a magenta shirt to work. it doesnt ‘scream’ professionalism.

5. sequined shirts and t-shirts (need i include – GULP – pants?!): 

if its not halloween and you’re going as 1) Elvis 2) a drag queen 3) a disco ball, then DO not, for the love of God, wear anything sequined!

6. the ‘white boy’ afro:

we do not need to witness you challenging mother nature & growing your hair against gravity, especially if you’re not black at birth!! nothing more tacky than a white boy thinking he’s P Diddy, even Eminem knew better, he kept his over peroxided do as he sang black.

there’s so much more on my mind, but of course, thats what sequels are for!

deja vu 10

Posted: August 20, 2008 in damdoumization, life, observations, people, rant, thoughts

and the last one for now : )

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Redundancy..

as much as i like to think there is diversity in this world, i feel our community has become redundant to an annoying extent..

1. almost every girl looks the same, 4 major categories bi nazari, the brunette haifa wahbeh wannabes, the
blonde california-dream kinda girl, “vieled” girls with their second skin tshirts under a camisole that barely covers anything and of course the tight trews, and number 4, girls that skipped an evolution cycle.. stuck in the 80s phase…

2. almost every guy wants to be the next GM of a huge company, wont tell u they r just clerks at the moment, instead, insist that they r assistant managers in the making! almost every guy has to drive a car they cant afford, carry a cell phone which costs them half their salary on its bills, and has to have a “fly” girl by his side. ahhh the necessities of life!

3. almost everywhere u go, same issues are being discussed, same recurring topics, needless to say almost everyone wants to look like they know-it-all more than the remaining almost everyone!

4. almost every building is a frightening replica of a previous one, and almost all restaurants with a “theme” have almost the same look other restaurants under the relevant theme have!

and one wud think after a gazillion years of man being on the face of this earth, and after numerous years of technology and advance in all aspects of life, ppl wud be different and more diverse.. (creative is a word that comes to my mind also). but i wonder, is it coz u have to go with the flow to not feel isolated or stand out oddly, or is it coz its easier to be like everyone else, coz the road less taken is darker with no defenition and requires more effort and originality? humans will always fascinate me, even when they’re becoming predictable!

a tale of two entities..

 

 

independent and on her own.. thought she needs not a partner, all she needed were friends.. silent when times are tough, even when her eyes can scream the words.. they found each other when they both werent looking.. it was an instant connection, love at first sight.. they never believed that would happen, yet, it so intensely did.. she had her fears.. she pushed him away.. didnt want to get too attached, for the uncertainty that lingered over their future was weighing her down.. she didnt want to hurt, but she did when she let him go.. lonely days and loneliner nights.. breathing just to pass time.. waiting for salvation..


time passed by, the days like months and months like years and years like decades.. slower than a rainy gloomy day.. until a fine november night came and their eyes met again.. by chance? or was it the work of fate? they didnt know, and they didnt care.. all they felt was alive again! their heartbeats were so loud they almost choked all words from coming out.. it was like they never were apart.. nothing changed.. except for their age.. they thought they moved on, but in truth, the world turned as they both stayed put.. kept holding on.. their love only grew stronger.. even though unspoken of..

 

they say “if you love someone set them free, if they come back they’re yours to keep”.. im praying its true

 

and since 8 is my ultimate favorite number, here is one of my favorite posts! im in love with my writings, arnt i humble 😀

______________________________________________________________________________________

 eyes. my favorite part of the human anatomy.

i absolutely adore expressive eyes that can speak a thousand words with just one look.. peircing eyes.. bold and fun.. im usually very attracted to black/brown eyes, dont enjoy gazing at colored eyes.. i’ll say its prolly coz opposites attract :-/


psychologists say that the color does have an impact on ppl, and have categorized (or generalized) the following:

Brown Eyes: cares deeply for family, affectionate with a serious nature
Light Blue Eyes: Peaceful with low physical endurance.
Hazel Eyes: Easily bored and mentally agile.
Deep Blue Eyes: spiritual, intense computer loverz!
Green Eyes: curious, intelligent, jealous.
Blue/grey Eyes: humanitarian with a peaceful nature.
Grey Eyes: analytical, clear thinking, philosiphical.

personally, i always believed that brown eyes are the most passionate and goal oriented ppl. blue eyes r emotionless and cold. but deep blue eyes are deep and captivating. green eyed folks are cheeky and fun loving ppl. and grey eyed ppl are unique and spiritual. but thats just me! but no matter what the color is, i think beautiful eyes are nothing without attitude, they wud be empty in fact!


do u think that u can have a certain judgement just by looking into someone’s eyes? do u really believe that u can tell if someone is lying or being truthful from the look in their eyes? do some eyes intimidate u?

i personally think that eyes are like seasons, i know, insane theory to categorize ppl into only 4 classifications.. but here it goes..

 

fall: mature, calm, dreamy, realistic yet hopeful, spiritual in their own way. academic and enjoy reading, have a paternal/maternal gaze. comforting and gr8 confidants. trustworhy and very loving. i associate those with somehow small brown eyes, or deep blue… (horses eyes)

 

winter: like a storm, they’re strong & powerful! these ppl demand respect, have a strong presence and a certain aura.. quiet yet very attractive.. warm and passionate. possessive. they usually are long-term bachelors, coz they need someone to move them! someone who can get them with so little effort and talk.. i imagine them bold big eyes, brown or green.. (tiger eyes) (my fave type by far)

 

summer: might come across as aloof, but they’re just timid loners. conservative. single minded and resist change. enjoy a certain routine and order to their life.. they r in full control of their emotions, and usually dont show any passion or excitement.. these ppl love their solitude and work individually more than in a group.. i associate summer eyes with light blue eyes or hazel, narrow and close set. (fox eyes)

 

spring: bright, hyper, very balanced with a time for work and a time for play. polite and respectful. enjoy nature and love sports. their eyes glow when they laff, and close a little.. friendly and welcoming. i associate them with wide blue/green eyes, grey/green eyes, or hazel/green eyes.. (dogs eyes)

 

& thanks for reading!

deja vu 7

Posted: August 20, 2008 in damdoumization, feelings, life, relationships

Love and hate:

are 2 faces to the same coin. a thin line separates them.. intense emotions of dislike can turn into the most passionate love if given a chance to blossom, and the corniest of love stories can turn into the fiercest war..

 

to forgive is divine they say.. and i truly agree. for so many ppl loved and went separate ways.. yet so very few didnt hold a grudge towards the one who said goodbye.

 

it takes courage to realize that things wont work, and maturity to accept the fact, and wisdom to let it go. and thats what separates men from the boys.

randomness 2

Posted: August 5, 2008 in damdoumization, life, random, thoughts

* this whole murder case of suzan tamim is sad.. what a sad depressing life she led, and what a way to exit.. may she be in a better place now..

* men dont change. so if a woman’s sole mission in life is to change a man, she’s a fool!

* there are a lot of paradoxes in life, one of which, is why oh why do we not get what we want when we want it? when we stop wanting things, they come to us with major ease .. bleh!

* compatibility means nothing in friendships, why should it mean anything in relationships? we grow up with friends from different backgrounds and different financial levels and different beliefs and we make them friends for life, why is it when chosing a life partner we get all caught up with those factors when all that matters is getting along spiritually and personality wise? i know i know, someone will argue that background shapes people into who they are today, i disagree, experiences do.

* i keep wondering what did people speak before islam? before the quran? in jahiliyeh, even in the time of the great Pharaoh.. was it arabic they spoke back then in Egypt? i mean the prophet (PBUH) obviously spoke arabic, since sunna is in proper Fus7a arabic.. when did arabic originate then, in what time?

* life is hard, man! we watch too many movies and listen to too many songs and read too many books to convince ourselves that happy endings and fairytales are possible, but in reality, life is fairly hard! things dont happen like we want them to, or expect them to, or even as they’re supposed to after a series of events and pursuances! there is always a way things can be messed up, and it usually DOES happen. i am not being pessemistic here, but i guess i have had enough time being the optimistic fool that i am…

* i truly believe every human has one form or another of a psychological illness/abnormality/disorder.  also i always believed that people are schizophrenic by nature. since we have a ‘heart’ and a ‘mind’ and usually they’re on different frequencies.. unless one of them is more dominant than the other, EVERYONE has at least a pair of disorders!

* its amazing how people come into our lives and bring a little of their karma with them.. im sure u have met at least one person who brought you a bit of good luck in a moment in time, i believe like attracts like, and people are contageous.. if your disposition is happy, it will rub off on the people in your small and even big circle.. if your mood is often blue and negative you will somehow pass it on to the people around you.. whether you want to or not.. people are but bottles of colors! you bring your blue and the person next to you brings their red, and you both will end up with a little bit of purple..

* for every action there is indeed a reaction..! the intensity of it however depends on how deep the psychological disorders of the person are!

untitled

Posted: June 19, 2008 in damdoumization, feelings, inside out, sad me, thoughts

Untitled

Leave me at the end of the world
where all my screaming will be unheard
there I can find myself alone..
In darkness where i feel safe and sound
Solitude is the best friend you can get
No hurt, no pain and no regret
Leave me in a place to clear my head
I feel so raged yet so brain dead..  

|HadeS|

1. total a car, yes im a mad driver, but never thought i would total a car! especially when it was brand new!! YuB, December 07.

2. break a heart, i never saw myself as a heartbreaker.. but apparently i am capable of it! as the Raven says repeatedly, Nevermore, Nevermore!

3. Lose 127 lbs and 5 dress sizes, well i never planned to have myself a medical condition and HAVE to gain all that much (and more) and lose them eventually, but im so glad i did, its a blessing from God. everything is.

4. bungee jump thrice. i am a person with many phobias, one of which is being ungrounded, thats why i dont swim, or ride horses.. but for sum reason, free falling, bungee jumping, parachuting and paragliding are all on my list of fave outdoor activities! Magno 😀

5. win a poetry competition, especially when i didnt even submit my poetry myself! back in school (i was 13 bw) i had an amazing english teacher who i entrusted with some of my writings so she would guide me and point out what i should do to make them better, she fell in love with one, and sent it on my behalf and i actually won 3rd place! got it published through the National Library of Poetry in Washington, and was flown over to recite it infront of 5000 people. crazy or what!

6. have a blog, yes, im a private person, and never thought of having a public journal! even though i do not discuss the every detail of my life, but still this is something i never foresaw myself doing..

7. become a vegetarian, especially since i was the ultimate carnivore 7 years ago! i donno i guess i just got over saturated 😐 i still get forced by my doctor to eat red meat from time to time, but if it were up to me (and if i were anemia free) i wudnt go near my fellow mammals!

so what would be on YOUR list?