the not so ‘in’ feeling..

Posted: February 6, 2008 in bla bla bla, psychobabble, thoughts

warning: long psychobabble post ahead!

Insecurity

that demon within.. crawling under our skins.. the hungry beast longing for the last bit of confidence and self esteem we have left..

the term in psychology is defined as a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless.. an insecure person lacks confidence in their own value and capability, trust in themselves AND others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by “going wrong” in future..

insecurity has many effects in a person’s life, and it has several levels, starting off with shyness, social withdrawal, even paranoia, sometimes it takes a more agressive form like arrogance, and bullying.. but it nearly always ends up with some degree of isolation..

ppl are not born insecure, it is a learned behaviour.

it often stems from childhood.. and then grows in layer fashion.. and then robs us slowly but surely of self esteem and any social life we might have.. and ruins most relationships.. mostly our relationship with ourselves.. thankfully, insecurity can be overcome, but it takes a lot of strength, willingness to develop, and belief in oneself and others to overcome it..

insecurity is the worse thing to ever hit us. believe me i know. its self destructive and devours our best qualities and best years… we shud learn how to be secure and safe in our own skin. learn to love ourselves. learn to believe that God created us in the best way possible and that He loves us enuf to have created us human and whole..
end of transmission..
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Comments
  1. Firecracker says:

    Isolation and social withdrawal is my current state…what is a person got to do when they believe in themselves but can’t get that recognition and validation from the ones they love? how can that help inecurity to go away?

  2. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    firecracker: first welcome to my blog, second, do we need recognition from others before ourselves? i mean its just like love, if u cant love urself first, how do u expect ppl to love u..?

    confident ppl usually let ppl c their positive side coz theyhave it on display.. when we accept and appreciate ourselves, ppl will 2.. and if they dint, then their loss!

  3. Firecracker says:

    first: I have to say i am really enjoying reading your blog :)) I would love it if u can post ur views on my posts.

    second: i totally agree with waht u’re saying, but isn’t part of loving thyself is by the reflection of what other people see in you? There are a lot good traits that we have, and we are not aware of…and people tend to point them out….

    i am just rambeling here…i dunno

  4. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    firecracker: u shud have read my old blog, lol u wud have liked it i guess 😀 oh how humble of me..

    i was reading some posts on urs, amazing blog! altho i am not one who likes to read long posts, but i cudnt stop! gr8 job 🙂

    well to love urself, u shud know urself well. know ur strengths and weaknesses well, so that ppl wont point either out! (in the sense of knowing ur weaknesses and work on em but dont keep them easily spotted by ppl and not to be unaware of ur strength so they go unutilized!)

  5. Marvin the Martian says:

    Nice post! I think you can be secure with yourself, but insecure among others. The trick is to be secure both inside and outside yourself.

    You have a devoted following of readers; hopefully that reduces any feelings of insecurity that you may have. 😉

    I agree – As long as you are comfortable with yourself, it is easier to be comfortable with others. But if you are not comfortable and confident in yourself, it is much more difficult to be so with others.

    My trick is, I don’t worry about what others think. As long as I like myself, I’m happy. And I like myself. On most days, anyway.

  6. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    marv: i do dont i 😀 its nice to know ppl appreciate ur words and thoughts.. my insecurities r deff not in that area tho 🙂

    “My trick is, I don’t worry about what others think. As long as I like myself, I’m happy. And I like myself. On most days, anyway.”

    most of us have those off days when we think we dont like ourselves.. i guess its normal, it only means there is room for improvement and that u know it so ur not aloof and cocky! only comfy and confident.

  7. Simply ME says:

    IT doesn’t have to be born with you.. sometimes you go through a certain incident or event that makes you insecure for years to come.. it’s the worst feeling ever, it makes you keep thinking and take away your peace of mind.. it makes you lose trust and faith even in those whom you love!

  8. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    dima: very true, worst feeling ever.. w psychologists insist and confirm that its never born with a person, its the result of external factors (i.e. ppl/media/etc)

  9. Jundi says:

    *sobbing uncontrollably*

  10. Oudi says:

    Insecurity is more driven by how others are treating you, especially loved ones, than how you feel about yourself. It is true that self confidence is an important element in having a stable and appealing character, but that can be greatly diminished if loved ones are not treating you right. This is a common problem among couples, where one side continuously makes negative comments about the other. I have seen it in couples, where one side, usually the women, is belittled by the other.And the hurt side always try to prove themselves making things even worse.

    No matter how well endowed we are in intelligence, looks or money, we need assurance from loved ones. No matter how confident we are, we will feel insecure or even worthless if we do not get their support.

  11. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    jundi: 7atjahalak :-o:

  12. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    oudi: “Insecurity is more driven by how others are treating you, especially loved ones, than how you feel about yourself”

    that might be true when we’re kids and easily influenced and much more sensetive to the outside world than the power within…

    No matter how well endowed we are in intelligence, looks or money, we need assurance from loved ones. No matter how confident we are, we will feel insecure or even worthless if we do not get their support.

    hmm, what kind of loved one wud they be if they dint show their appreciation to everything that makes u who u r? and what kind of loved one wud they be if they werent supportive.. i reckon a relationship with negativity and one side belittling the other and being non-supportive is not a relationship based on true love.. love wont let u hurt ur partner by looking down on them…

  13. Oudi says:

    Loved ones can cause more damage to a person’s well being than outsiders. Using an analogy from warfare, a castle may resist for years fierce attacks by enemies, but would succumb quickly to in internal fighting and treachery. Yes, loved ones can and do cause hurt, and many people chose to keep them “loved”. It is illogical, but it happens very frequently. How many times you meet a woman or a man who is deeply in love with someone who treat them badly to the point of humiliation?

    External factors are very important in shaping most people personalities. We grow confident about ourselves if our parents treat us with affection and appreciation. We keep expecting that from others as we mature. Children who lived under physical or psychological abuse are more likely to develop low self esteem, and tolerate poor treatments from others.

  14. wonders says:

    the worst thing is that in most cases it is the parents who cause this to their children.

  15. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    oudi: loved ones cause more harm coz they know us best and know our weaknesses, but they wudnt hurt their partners intentionally or in a premeditated manner.. it comes in moments of rage/stress/anger and thats why partners chose to keep em as loved ones i guess.. coz they know intentions r everything..

    i totally agree with the last bit tho.. but i believe man’s inner voice is stronger and louder than external voices, shud man choose to listen attentively.

  16. PŕōuđPāŀĩ says:

    wonders: exactly! i tend to believe that children’s first expectations and faith in ppl usually r towards the closest inner circle they have, their parents, and when those let them down, they grow up with a feeling of insecurity and low self esteem..

  17. RealJIMMY says:

    Thank you for writing this. I’ve never read a definition of insecurity before, and it’s only on reading this that I have realised that!

    Thank you.

    ~JIMMY

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